Weaning off Lutfi

Lutfi is now 2 years and 2 months. I've been wanting to wean him off from breastfeeding. Yesterday, I put thick Nescafe paste around my n*****. He came to me to start the routine. He didn't like the bitter taste. "Eeee, tak sedap..." So he didn't have what he normally had. I saw his sad face.

Now I have a 2nd thought about weaning him off. This is a very emotional experience for me. I don't know whether we'll have another child after Lutfi. If we don't, he will be our youngest. A baby brings warmth and laughter in the house and the thought of we might not have another one is just sad....

Everything time I look at Lutfi, I feel blessed to have such a brilliant child. Weaning him off means he's growing up to be a big boy like his big brother, Kasyif. Then it won't be fun...

I would feel that I'm not needed unlike when I was breastfeeding Lutfi. Until now I feel appreciated by Lutfi. I'm afraid Lutfi will be attached to my maid (like Kasyif) because we would be spending less time together. Oh Allah! Give me strength! Guide me on what to do!....

I cried when I prayed solat Isyak. Betapa BESARnya ALLAH SWT... No matter how much I love my child, there is no greater love than to love Allah SWT. Betapa ujian ini kecil sahaja dan aku kalah.... Walau sayang anak ini melebihi segalanya, dia hanya 'dipinjamkan' oleh Allah SWT. Tiada yang lebih kekal selain menyayangi Maha Pencipta. Aku sedih, aku sebak kerana anak ini hanya amanah. Betapa kita menyayangi anak kita, ingatlah dia hanya amanah Allah SWT.

Wahai Lutfi yang mama sayangi, engkau adalah buah hati mama. Penenang dan pengubat hati mama. Maafkan mama bila mama marah pada ketika Lutfi inginkan perhatian mama. Sesungguhnya mama yang bertanggungjawab mencorakkan kebaikan dalam kehidupanmu, semoga kamu berjaya di dunia dan di akhirat.