What is my IKIGAI

 Had a good talk with husband before we doze off to sleep last night. I was trying to pour my heart out why I want to resign. First i thought it was because I felt that I'm being underpaid. Apparently not when we referred to Jobstreet Salary Report 2022. Well, I'm on the median side so depends how we intepret 'underpaid'.

We even referred to IKIGAI chart finding out where do I fall in to. I think I'm either in No. 1 or No. 4. Although I can do my job, I myself feel something is missing. Why do I want to quit? I can't imagine me working at my current company for the next 5 years!

Apparently I'm in No. 1 or No. 4

Why now?

I said I have accepted that is my rezeki and tried to stay on my job. I'm OK as long as I get to do what I want to and have time to focus on my personal life. I noticed I only brought up this matter lately. I have been patient for 15 years and why do I want to resign now? He said probably it started during the pandemic where we stayed at home a lot and because when WFH, there's no boundaries between work and personal matters.

Am I not being grateful for what I have?

He said we have not been challenged enough thus I'm not grateful for what I have (indirectly). He referred to posts from fb of his friends who shared their experiences and had gone through a lot of downs.

I may disagree with him here. Wanting more does not mean we are not grateful...

He told me about a pakcik he met last weekend back in Perlis. The uncle was telling how hard his life was to raise 2 kids. He was poor but he persistently and patiently worked on his paddy field. Sabar, bersyukur, ikhlas were the key words.

I don't want to brag but I also have been patient, sincere in my job and grateful for what Allah SWT has given me...for 15 years. 

Problem with my mindset

I said my problem is my mindset which stopped me from moving out from my current job. Fear of the unknown, whether I can perform well. I also used to dislike challenges whereas challenges are good. I quote Jim Rohn's 'don't wish for things to get easier, wish you were better'. 

I want to accomplish something

At this age now, I don't think to find another job would be a good move. I think it's not about the job, it's about I wanting to venture into something else. I said to my hubby, I feel like I want to accomplish something...yes! that is my why. I think I have done something great in my job but....I dunno how to shout about it.

So what do I want to do?

The problem is I have not found what I want to do hence I'm still on the job. That's the only thing that stopping me from pursuing something else.

My husband is a realist. Sometimes it's good to have a talk with him to challenge me who is somewhat optimistic and emotional. We can balance out the pro and cons.

How do I want to write my story?

In the end, I said to him the uncle have a story to tell 'Pakcik dulu miskin dan berusaha untuk menyara dan menyekolahkan anak dengan bersabar dan ikhlas dalam pekerjaan'...

so how do I want to write my story?