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Just recently on Monday, I wrote about being happy as things seemed to be in place. Then later that day, I found out someone is getting promoted whereas I felt I deserve it more.

I was surprised although there have been rumours about it. I was upset and the news really brought me down. The 'good' day I declared earlier then become totally the opposite. I started questioning myself why I haven't walked away from the company. I started to think that I'm a loser. I started to think that I'm misfortuned. I'm an ACCA affiliate, she has masters so maybe we are seen even. She's younger thus her total years of working is 2 years shorter than me so why her? All the negativity started to build.

Reasoning
Then I started reasoning. She has worked longer than me at the company (1 year apart). It is obvious that she'll be next in line as the vacancy is within her unit, not mine. I envy when imagining the salary increment. Truely, money is evil in this case. Maybe because I'm currently looking for opportunities to earn more and I didn't get this one.

OK, now I can accept the news except that I feel disappointed with the company in terms of promoting its staff. Although with ACCA and my work experience is longer than her, it didn't count as a criteria for promotion.

Accepting
I've been thinking about the news all night until I went to sleep. The only thing that made me accept this is to accept that this is all from Allah SWT. Jodoh, rezeki, mati semua di tanganNya. This is about rezeki... this is her rezeki, not mine. Allah knows best and always give the best for His followers.

What's in it for me?
Then, what's in it for me? Why Allah has put me in this situation and want me to learn? Alhamdulillah, Allah Maha Pengasih Lagi Maha Penyayang. Allah wants me to learn that no one is better than the other. Allah wants me to start to throw away my arrogance. I cannot carry that emotion during Haj (In Sha Allah) as my goal is to go for Haj prepared, physically and spiritually. I want a mabrur Haj so I have to start to seek forgiveness and cleanse my heart and soul.

Thus at the same time I learnt that to 'err is human'. Human always make mistakes. In this case, my feeling of arrogance indirectly says I know what's best for me whereas these are all what Allah SWT has laid for us. I was being arrogant to Allah SWT as well apart from being arrogant her. Asthagfirullah, Forgive Allah!

This makes me understand why Allah keeps saying to come back to Him, always seek forgiveness from Him because we sometimes always think we haven't done anything wrong. What we didn't notice is it was actually wrong in the eyes of Allah SWT.

The next day
Allah SWT also has given me the strength to talk to my husband about my feelings the next morning which I previously found it difficult. Allah gave me this new instinct that by letting it out, I would feel better. So I didn't expect anything from telling my husband about it, I just wanted to let out to him as he is my other half.

And it worked!

Regardless of what happened for the rest of the day, I calmly got through it. Thank you Allah!

Rest of the day
Lutfi had stomach ache but still wanted to go to school. So I did drive to his school but he was crouching. In split second, I decided to bring him to the clinic at my office. I was nearly late and Lutfi pooed in his pants when we reached there. The toilet is quite a walk away and I would be embarrassed if people saw us and the clock showed 9 o'clock. For my love for Lutfi, I decided to drive out and find toilet elsewhere. This was a pure emergency, why should I be afraid for not being at the office by 9.00.

So I cleaned Lutfi. His stomach ache went away after he pooed. He started being himself, talkative unlike this morning. Suddenly nothing else matters. I did what I think was right.
I followed my instinct.
I didn't really bothered about work.
I really put Lutfi first before work. And that made me felt content.

Once cleaned and changed Lutfi  to new clothes, we went back to the office around 9.30am. Lutfi was very good and got used to the environment because this was his 2nd time at my office. I sent him home at lunch.

Thank you Allah!
I was so grateful with how things turned out. Instead of thinking about the 'bad news', my mind was occupied with Lutfi's situation. And everything was OK in the end and I get to write it today.

I shall focus on what I can do for my family.