Volunteer to speak

 Today, I volunteered to participate in Toastmaster Club ad hoc speech...Well done to you!

Ujian Allah untuk aku

I had a bad day yesterday. Maybe it was not that bad but I felt so awful. I felt ashamed and couldn't let it go. I tried to reason with myself it was not that erroneous but I still felt crappy. I tried to forget about it to continue with my life but yet I couldn't get my mind not to think about it and felt dissatisfied, inferior.

I tried to reason with myself but I still could not comprehend why it happened to me. I tried to read between the lines what Allah SWT is trying to show me. I tried to seek solace by spending time with my family at dinner, hugging my husband and yet I was not at rest, not satisfied with the reasoning I came out with and could not let go of the incident.

I've been asking Allah SWT, what Allah SWT was trying to show me. Was it because I was proud of myself too much? Was it because I didn't really do a good job? I tried to defend myself but somehow I thought my action backfired and useless. Or things would start to unveil one by one that I haven't actually do a good job before my resignation? Was it because I laughed too much? At this point I still could not get the negative thoughts out of my mind. It made me feel inferior, scared and ashamed. Why? Why am I very afraid and nervous in front of the management? Why I felt overly concerned with the small hiccup and thought my world is going to be over? Until....

I woke early as usual and still could not be at peace about it. I got out of bed, solat tahajjud, taubat and hajat seeking relief from Allah SWT. Ya Allah, finally I found my peace. I was trying to recall my experience in the past few days. Among them was I was busy preparing telematch stuff for coming weekend, my cousin passed away on Sunday...and suddenly it struck me....

During the visit to my cousin's house, I couldn't empathize what the widow was feeling. Yes, I felt her loss but one thing I missed was how hard for her to accept the situation because it came as a shock. That Sunday morning was like any other day as my cousin (arwah) went out to jog nearby his house alone. Definitely his wife (now widow) didn't expect that was the last time she would see him.

How I relate this to my incident is now I know my reaction when I'm in shock. In my case, I felt relief having done a good job but later in the end was commented to improve in front of my management. That came as a surprise and I didn't expect the comment at all because I thought I did ok during the audit. To me this is a shocking news. So now I know how it feels like when I'm faced with a shocking news. I'll dwell and all the negative thoughts will start flooding in and poisoning my mind. I will start questioning why it happens, what I have done wrong. This is my reaction if I am in shock.....

The truth is, people don't actually care how I feel. OK, I may have done a mistake. I just need to accept it and do better next time. Yes, it was highlighted in front of the management, so what? 'She's a crap' they might say but should it affect me? It a way, I shall take note but don't have to feel overly concerned about it. Other people have worse experience than me and yet they survive. So I should too. Just get on with my life. There are other important things that matter to me and I should continue on.

About being too nervous and trying to avoid the management, it could be because of my childhood experience. I may have issues with authoritative figure....I may try to avoid them because I'm afraid of them. Afraid to be in front of them, afraid to converse with them. This may sound normal and common but I'm trying to figure out why. I should treat this behavior because my fear should only for Allah SWT.

Alhamdulillah, praise to Allah SWT as I feel at ease now and let gone be bygone. Thank you Allah for showing me the lesson learnt from this experience. Thank you Allah for letting me know the feeling of loss and how devastated my cousin's wife must have felt right now.....

Lasik_My Wish Came True Part 2

 You can read Part 1 here

So my surgery date was set on 27 Oct. Aku tak sempat nak takut/ neves pun pasal lasik tu sebab sibuk dengan menda lain. Isnin amik half day jumpa sensei Jasmin pasal study dia. It's now open on the table that she's gonna drop JUP.

Pastu tak sempat nak muhasabah pasal tu, macam-macam kerja opis yg unexpected datang between Selasa and Khamis. Tupt tup tiba-tiba dah Jumaat 27 Oct.. Ada satu lagi event sebenarnya, husband aku balik Perlis sebab nak amik kereta baru Honda City Hatchback untuk ganti kereta Myvi aku...yang tu pun aku tak sempat nak excited.

The day: Friday 27 Oct 2023

Back to the surgery day, aku kena ada kat klinik kul 10.00 pagi. Aku mintak tolong member yang duduk dekat rumah aku tolong hantarkan. Pastu mintak tolong dia amik kul 1.00 nanti. Sbb right after surgery, vision akan kabur and tak selamat untuk drive.

Tunggu di ward

Bila sampai klinik, aku masih belum nervous. Sibuk inform colleagues and boss yang aku MC aritu. At 10.30 I was called and a nurse brought me upstairs. Ada ward rupanya and I need to change into baju OT. Seluat ketat sebab aku dah gemuk! Haha! tapi boleh la. Aku pakai inner sebab staff klinik yg call aku hari Khamis bagi tip suh bawak inner. Then aku pun tunggu sebab nurse kata nanti ada orang datang untuk cuci mata. Aku pun tunggu, nak dekat sejam jugak la...Aku masih lagi belum neves. Aku start nervous bila dia start pakaikan penutup telinga. Masih kat ward lagi masa tu. Then ada sorang lagi datang untuk bawak aku masuk OT sebab aku dah tak pakai spec kan masa tu....dia tolong pimpin tangan aku. Bila masuk OT, mmg dioghang pakai baju OT juga. Okay, this is it! My God! Ya Allah! Kau lancarkan lah surgery aku ni. Aku baca Bismillahi tawakatulAllah La Hawlawala kuwataillahbillahhilaliulazim....

The procedure

So dioghang suh aku baring and inform ada 2 machine. First, katil aku akan ditolak ke kiri untuk 1st machine, then ke kanan for the 2nd machine. 1st machine tu untuk potong lapisan atas agaknya. Dr pun  buatlah apa yang patut untuk tahan mata aku daripada berkelip. dia letak cam pengangkang and titik ubat kebas. Pastu dia kata nanti machine tu datang dekat mata, aku kena pandang je cahaya kat machine tu. Masa tu aku rasa macam dalam citer sci fi. Bila machine tu datang dekat dengan mata aku, tiber aku terbayang citer 'Eagle Eye' yg Shi Le Beouf berlakon tu. Then machine tu buat kerja, and the assistant akan countdown so aku boleh tahu bila process tu selesai. Countdown rasa tak sampai 1 minit per eye. 

Bila dah selesai 1st machine, dr kata 'ok, next is nak laser...' Gulp! Owh belum laser lagi ker? Aku kata dalam hati. So dioghang tolak katil aku ke kanan. This one, dr flip open the outer layer yang dipotong tadi. Imagine macam kita potong isi rambutan dengan pisau untuk dimakan. Tapi aku takda rasa apa-apa pun. Bila dah bukak, laser pun datang untuk buang power mata aku. Seyes tak rasa apa-apa, sebab kebas kot. Tapi memang ada bau hangit, bak kata Afie, member yang antar aku pagi tadi.  Ada countdown juga which aku rasa sangat membantu untuk aku bertahan and tahu procedure tu sekejap je.

Alhamdulillah, procedure selesai. Dr puji aku sebab tak nervous sangat. Alhamdulillah, semuanya dengan izin Allah SWT.

Right after the procedure

Aku balik ward ngam-ngam kul 12.30. So the whole process dalam 1 jam termasuk aku diinterview oleh technician machine tu dan consultancy dengan dr. Aku wassap member confirmkan aku dah abis. Afie memang dah ada masa aku turun. Penglihatan aku masih blur, macam kita swimming pastu air masuk mata. Memang kena orang lain drive kan balik. 

Aku banjer Afie Kenny Rogers ordered from GRAB (tak advise la beli, sbb kurengggg sikit...) Borak-borak dengan Afie dulu lepas makan sebelum titis ubat. Ada 3 jenis: eye drop, antibiotic and anti radang. Ada rasa pedih-pedih sikit tapi lama-lama hilang. Afie pun nak balik sambung kerja, aku pun nak tido.

Teringat lagi dr suh aku tido bila aku minta advise apa kena buat after procedure. Dia kata "balik rehat, jangan masak pulak...tido je" Aku rasa cam pelik, rasa cam mimpi bila orang suh kita tido. Selalunya aku tido sebab dah penat sangat atau memang dah tertido depan tv. IT really made me feel something when I just did nothing. I could feel how work can get me so caught up and ignore other things including myself.

Around Asar aku terjaga, Alhamdulillah dah clear, dah boleh nampak cuma rasa kering sikit. Dr kata eye drop takpa, boleh titis lebih kerap. Yg lain every 4 hours.

Petang tu lepas magkit dari tido, tergerak hati pulak nak check Youtube cari video pasal Lasik. Sib baik la tengok after dah buat procedure...haha! Kalau tak mau pikir 1,000 kali!

Day 1 after the procedure

Terjaga dari tido, aku bukak mata. Tak da rasa pedih. Aku boleh nampak benda, tak kabur dah. Sebab sebelum ni aku pemakai contact lense tegar, so yang ni rasa cam tu jugak sebab vision jelas. Kali ini bezanya, ini sebenarnya vision mata aku tanpa bantuan contact lense. Tak perlu risau tertido dengan contact lense dah (which is not good for the eyes) Alhamdulillah!

Bila nak mandi, aku masih angkat tangan ke muka konon nak bukak spec. Eh! Silap, mana aku ada pakai spec! Alhamdulillah!

And after this, no more visits to optometrist...ada la jugak kalau nak beli sunglasses kan. No more eye products like cleaners, casing, kain wipe spec. No need to know about brands e.g Hoya, Ziess lense etc.

One less to think about (and whatever related to it e.g cost, worry nanti dah tua camna). Though I have not feel the liberation yet. Nanti bila aku start buat yoga kot....

I still have my glasses and contact lenses yang belum pakai....simpan sekejap before I say goodbye...

Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah diatas rezeki yang Engkau limpahkan ini. Semoga aku istiqamah menyembahMu Tuhan sekalian alam....Aminnnnn

For record keeping here:

My procedure is Presbyond using femtosecond laser. Left eye corrected 100%, Right eye corrected 400 out of 600, simpan sikit untuk rabun dekat

Lasik_My Wish Came True Part 1

 Aku tak sempat nak post pasal aku buat lasik. Kalau sebelum ni, aku pasti akan buat countdown atau tulis pasal aku punya survey on lasik. Tapi tak tahu kenapa, memang aku tak sempat. Banyak benda yang aku suka buat dulu, aku tak buat dah...dulu aku ingat, weekend aku sanggup ngadap laptop survey holiday la, plan renovation la. Tapi sekarang aku malas nak bukak laptop on weekend...nape ek? 

Agaknya sebab sekarang aku guna laptop opis kot. Aku rasa nyampah nak bukak laptop. Nyampah tengok email, nyampah tengok folder...all reminds me of work. Some people ok je, cam laki aku. I think they really embrace 'Work from Anywhere'...whereas aku masih nak ada boundary between work and personal. Dulu aku ingat aku boleh work from anywhere tapi somehow aku yang pressure diri aku sendiri. Maybe boss takda cari pun tapi aku yang gelisah kot-kot boss cari. Aku tak pandai menyambil buat kerja lain tapi aku dok duduk depan laptop (ni kat rumah ni). Ada orang dia boleh pegi keluar amik anak la, bayar bil la etc...

Tiba-tiba nak buat LASIK?

Enough about my mumbling.Let's go back to cerita lasik. Macam mana aku tiber nak buat lasik? Masa tu aku try nak pikir apa lagi yang aku kena buat before aku berenti kerja. Sbb bila dah berenti nanti, duit tak masuk. Sekarang la kalau ada apa-apa nak beli sementara ada duit gaji. Sebelum ni masa lasik tengah viral possibly 2008 onwards, ada orang opis buat lasik dengan Prof Muhaya. Agaknya masa tu seram lagi dengar laser treatment plus duit pun tak berapa nak ada masa tu, aku takda la nak buat. Aku prefer pakai contact lense lagi masa tu. Then end 2019 masa check mata kat Menara Seksyen 7, orang tu kata mata aku ada sel darah mati. Aku ada citer kat sini Since then aku tukar ke daily contact lense tapi aku jimat-jimat pakai bila perlu sebab mahal kan. Aku pun start pakai cermin mata pegi opis.

DAILY CONTACT LENSE + CERMIN MATA = COSTLY

My first prescription with new glasses was around RM2,200 sekali dengan daily contact lense. Entitlement untuk claim RM750 saja. Quite mahal la pada aku. Then, after a while aku agak sebab jarang pakai contact lense, bila aku pakai nanti aku rasa tak selesa dan tak berapa terang. Aku rasa pakai cermin mata lagi baik, lebih selesa.

Cuma bila pakai cermin mata ni, kena berjaga-jaga, kena ingat letak kat mana. Power aku masa prescirption tu dalam 5.50 dan 5.75 (kalau prescription cermin mata lagi banyak dlm 600). Kalau tak ingat mana aku letak, meraba-raba la aku mencari sebab rabun aku tinggi kan. Selalu memang kalau depan mata pun tak nampak! 

Pastu rajin berkabus la bila kita exercise. Aku pun ada malas nak buat yoga sebab bila kita terbalik buat downward dog ke apa, spec tu mesti lah terkeluar/tergantung...basically aku rasa tak selesa la.

BILIK AIR BERDAKI PENYEBAB NAK BUAT LASIK

Apa yang buat aku tekad nak buat lasik sedangkan dulu aku takut? Simple jek. Selalu kalau mandi kat bilik air mesti kita bukak cermin mata kan. Then 1 hari, aku masuk bilik air masa nak mandi aku terlupa bukak cermin mata. Bila aku masuk, baru aku perasan bilik air aku berdaki! Selama ni aku ingat bilik air aku bersih...adoii! Terus rasa nak buat lasik to end the misery! Kuang3x

I think I brought the matter up to my husband after Raya 2023 (July) kot. Dia kata nanti dia tanya kawan dia buat kat mana. Aku pun ada tanya cousin yg buat kat Vista Puchong (RM1,999 per eye). My friend Zied, buat ngan Prof Muhaya last 2 years (RM6,000++ per eye). So it's kinda common now. Orang yg I tanya have no subsequent problems after the surgery. So if everyone is fine, what am I afraid of? I didn't need to think further, lasik is the answer for rabun people....

Then aku dapat tahu aku punya officemate punya adik ada buat kat Bangi, Seksyen 3. Dekat nau dengan rumah aku. So dah terlanjur dekat aku gi la terjah hari Sabtu kul 10.00 pagi. Kebetulan ramai orang masa tu, terus tak jadi. Bila tanya reception, dia kata kalau nak jumpa dr kena bayar RM500 dulu. Adeh! mahai bebenor. What if mata tak sesuai buat lasik? Pastu aku tanya kalau buat lasik range harga dalam berapa? Reception kata dalam RM5,000 - RM8,000. Okay, aku catit dulu. Dia pun advise datang weekdays kalau tak mau tunggu lama.

1st EXPERIENCE

Later on 3rd Oct, aku ajak husband pegi clinic yang kawan dia pegi (Advance Vision Eye Specialist) kat Damansara. Aku ada google up the clinic and apparently harga dia tak mahal. 1st screening tak perlu bayar apa-apa. Subsequent appointment baru bayar RM100. So kami pegi and get my eyes checked. Alhamdulillah boleh buat lasik tapi dia kata tak ubat rabun dekat. Treatment dia nama Trans PRK. Harga dia RM5,588 + RM3,000 sebab kena treat astigmatism.  Tapi masalahnya kliniknya jauh. Nanti lepas surgery, kena datang follow up dalam 4-5 kali juga. Dah la nak parking pun payah. So after due deliberation, since harga tak jauh beza dengan klinik Bangi aku decide buat di Bangi saja. Nak pegi follow up check up senang nanti.

PUSAT PAKAR MATA BANGI

Sebenarnya aku plan nak buat bulan Dec, bila kat opis tak havoc sangat. Selalunya orang akan amik cuti Dec so kurang la sikit kerja-kerja yang ad hoc. Nak dijadikan cerita, aku cuba pegi Pusat Pakar Mata Bangi hari Jumaat 20 Oct kul 2.30 ptg. Bila aku sampai reception kata orang ramai, memang aku tak sempat jumpa doktor. Ni kali kedua aku datang, tak sempat nak jumpa doktor. Aku pelik klinik Bangi ni tak boleh buat appointment, kena walk in. Reception tu advise aku datang esok hari Sabtu kul 9.30 pagi. So I did and I waited until 10.30 and finally I got my eyes checked!

So the screening lebih kurang macam kat Damansara. Cuma kat sini dia buat Presbyond treatment meaning akan treat aku punya rabun dekat juga. WoW! Ini sudah bagus! Tapi bila tanya betul-betul, rabun dekat ni sebenarnya tak boleh dielakkan. Memang akan ada bila kita menua nanti. Cuma dengan treatment ni, dia melambatkan aku pakai spec rabun dekat 5 tahun lagi. Tak kisah la...orang mata sihat pun memang akan ada rabun dekat.

Person in charge tu juga explain the differences betwen LASIK, PRK and SMILE. Dia kata dr suggest aku buat LASIK. Faster recovery and harga rendah sikit daripada SMILE. Aku OK kan jer, dah tak sabar tak payah pakai cermin mata. Aku pun tak sempat nak buat study differences between the surgeries, aku tahu LASIK jek.

Memula dia set surgery aku 3 Nov. Bila aku bagitau husband, dia kata nape tak buat next week? So aku call balik klinik nak ubah tarikh surgery to 27 Oct, cepat seminggu. Masa tu aku memang tak da rasa takut ke apa, sebab dok pikir pasai kerja kat opis. I kept telling myself, if other people can, why can't I?.....

to be continued...

Tarik Nafas! Hembus!....

 Aduh...baru sempat bernafas ni. My last post was in July, skrg dah hujung Okt. Tak ingat 3 bulan dok buat apa. Oooo...mungkin kami fokus kepada Jasmin sejak dia snap masa Hari Raya Haji bulan Jun aritu. Kira bulan July dan Aug, kami layan dia pegi balik Beranang setiap hari, so dia tak stay kat kolej. Kami ada gi Avilion Port Dickson and Tiong Trove kat Perak.

Alhamdulillah, Jasmin nampak kembali seperti dia. Dia dah start stay kat asrama bulan Aug agaknya. Harini ada perjumpaan dengan lecturer dia. Last exam, dia ada fail 1 subject. Disebabkan itu dia tak boleh fly ke Jepun. So to us is 'what's next?'....I admit I felt a bit disppointed but maybe Allah SWT has other plans for her. I know Allah has other plans for her. I could only do my best as a mother to care and support her.

Bulan Sept, mak datang Bangi for a week. Kami layan pegi picnic kat GIBS, Ulu Yam on weekend. Pastu aku amik cuti hari Rabu 27 Sept, bawak mak tengok demo masak K Zaida Ibrahim. Sebelum ni mak selalu sebut nama K Zaida, tgh fb dia, masak Nasi Ayam guna resepi dia, beli product online etc. I guess my mum really likes her so tu yang bawak dia. Kalau nak tengok demo dia masak, free je pastu studio dia kat Puchong. Ok la....doable. Alhamdulillah, dapat penuhi hajat mak.

Sept jugak, ada pegi Kuala Terengganu. Ad hoc plan! Huish, dah lama tak buat keje camni...main terjah je. Husband memang dok cari baju batik sebelum ni, nak buat pakai pergi keje hari Khamis. Kami memang dah round kedai-kedai kat Bangi tapi hubby tak berapa minat design kot. Kalau yang dia minat, aku pulak tak berkenan sebab macam design lama. Pastu nak dijadkan cerita, dah keluar pekeliling wajib pakai baju batik so hari Rabu malam dia tanya aku 'kat mana ada banyak jual baju batik?' Aku jawab la 'Pasar Payang' tapi tak sangka la pulak response dia "Ok, jom weekend ni pegi Kuala Terengganu.." Err....err....aku macam ada plan nak kemas rumah sebelum mak datang tapi takkan nak tolak bila orang ajak pegi jalan-jalan kan... Aku pun kata OK. Memang ad hoc gila. Pegi semata-mata nak beli baju batik...haha!

Since dah boleh bernafas sikit ni, aku kena recap balik and jot down things I need to do on household and retirement....and weight management...next post ya

 

New things I did so far in 2023

 Just to list out new things I did this year to remind me to keep going:

1. Declare to re-invent myself in IG
2. Started to post reels on IG. I like it!
3. Help out during gotong-royong SKJ4. Met energetic people
4. Joined sports fiesta, playing carrom
5. Tukar lampu kalimantang

Doing something different

Doing things differently

Semalam ada tertengok youtube iChang cakap pasal dia burnt out. Dia kata dia rasa macam asyik buat menda yang sama jek....amik video, makan, pegi jalan, amik video, makan....

Semalam juga, kelas ngaji dapat khatam Al-Quran kali kedua. Alhamdulillah....asalnya kan after solat Maghrib, niat dah tak nak sambung kelas dah sebab kekadang tu rasa malas tu ada. Tapi macam tak terluah bila ustaz tanya. Yang menjadi pembakar semangat balik ialah bila ustaz kata kita dipilih Allah SWT untuk membaca Al Quran. Ya Allah! Insaf sekejap....kelas pun sekali seminggu dalam 1 1/2 jam. Kalau takda kelas ni, ntah aku akan baca Al Quran atau tidak. Ustaz ada kata, takpa kalau tenggelam sekejap tapi kita akan rasa macam missing something bila tertinggal tu....Ya Allah! Semoga aku istiqamah Ya Allah!

Then semalam ada terbaca wassap cikgu SKJ 4 pasal gotong-royong sekolah hari Sabtu untuk sapa yang nak volunteer. First instance, aku macam tak amik port tapi tengok juga la nama yang baru volunteer baru 3 orang. Tapi ntah kenapa pagi tadi rasa macam nak volunteer so aku pun bagi nama. Agaknya dok teringat video iChang pasal kebiasaan and do things differently. So I thought by giving my name, I am actually trying to get out of my comfort zone too. 

Content creation journey

All these are because I've been thinking about my content creation journey. Still nothing promising but I have to keep going. Haritu ada buat reel yang aku rasa best tapi views hanya 74. Nak sedey dah tapi aku pegang just keep on practising. 

Aku juga 1st time interact dengan Dek Wa sebab tengok dia active buat posting on produk yang dia jual.

Semalam ustaz pesan untuk selitkan hajat kita bila ustaz baca doa khatam Al Quran. Aku mintak dengan Allah supaya beri petunjuk dan permudahkan usaha aku untuk jana pendapatan from social media.

Ticking the boxes

Hari tu rasa tak productive. Alhamdulillah harini rasa productive sikit sebab berjaya buat beberapa errands:

1. Gosok baju sekolah (Sabtu pagi). Alhamdulillah cuma kena gosok baju KAFA Lutfi saja (2 pasang)
2. Beli baju raya untuk the boys (Sabtu pagi). Sabtu pagi tu husband ada appointment massage and Jasmin ada appointment braces, both dalam pukul 11.00 am. So aku drop depa and park kat EVO (orang dah start shopping raya so Bangi Sentral dah start sesak). Tak kuasa aku nak shopping situ, aku pegi EVO Parkson dengan Kasyif. Aku suggest warna kuning untuk masuk dengan baju raya aku, tapi Kasyif prefer purple. Kat Parkson takda pulak kaler purple yang cun. Kebetulan ada agent BulanBintang bukak kat level 1. Orang tak ramai, aku suh Kasyif cari baju kot2 ada yang berkenan. Alhamdulillah ada walaupun kaler tak exact sangat. Cuma kat situ ada 1 set saja, tak boleh beli untuk Lutfi sekali. Dia kata nanti boleh order online. Aku belum order lagi setakat ni...
3. Bersihkan/ kemas porch (Sabtu petang). Haritu masa musim hujan lantai simen berlumut. Masa musim panas pulak, pokok kering macam nak mati. Pastu dengan bau kencing kucing, kasut bersepah. So aku kemaskan pokok-pokok, cuci simen and sort kasut yg tak nak masuk plastik (tapi belum masuk tong derma lagi).
4. Order hp stand (Sabtu petang). Benda ni patut dah lama beli untuk buat Youtube video. Ni baru nak order kat Shopee. Plan nak buat video bulan puasa ni...
5. Vacum atas (Ahad pagi). Lepas Subuh terus start (hubby takda, pegi Penang). Simpan beg2, tudung2 yang tergantung, sedut habuk, tukar cadar, lap apa yang patut.
6. Cuci toilet bawah (Ahad pagi). Memang kotor betul (ikut benchmark aku la) so rasa puas bila dapat cuci. Aku rasa nak beli rak letak bodywash kat dinding water heater supaya tempat sink aku tak semak sangat.
7. Lipat baju. 2 bakul ok (Ahad petang)...sambil layan Netflix kul 4.30 gitu. Dinner, aku outsource ke Kakak sebab dia nak keluar pegi Eco.

That was how my weekend ended. 

Harini budak2 start sekolah sessi 2023. Harini aku antar Kasyif and Lutfi (sebab abah dioghang belum balik). Lupa nak pesan kat Kasyif belajar elok-elok. kat Lutfi dah pesan dah.

Khamis ni juga start puasa. Aku kena start rancang menu.

Thank you Allah...permudahkan urusan ku. Semoga aku terus istiqamah mengaji dan berikan yang terbaik untuk keluarga ku.

Re-Inventing Myself

Powerful betul ayat tu RE_INVENT YOURSELF...terus rasa boleh buat Youtube video...Haha! Another mantra RESET YOURSELF

Things happened unintended. Last week sambil prepare breakfast dalam pukul 6 pagi aku dengar Youtube. Dengar, bukan tengok sebab audio connect ke bluetooth speaker. Walaupun TV kat living room, aku kat dapur sambil dengar Youtube, aku tak tengok TV....

Aku pun bukannya fokus sangat tapi tiba-tiba terdengar pasal experience Vanessa Lau ni start buat Youtube channel. Aku terpanggil untuk mendengar. Sebab tu 1st time aku dengar orang cerita camna dia start buat...dia ada bagi tips and somehow aku boleh imagine the work (hard work that is). And yet I was still intrigued.

Aku terus subscribe channel dia and check out her website. Ada cakap pasal quitting 9-5 job...wow! suits me very well...and that was how the idea of becoming a CONTENT CREATOR came about.

As of today after a week, aku still belum buat youtube video lagi. Idea datang mencurah-curah tapi belum sempat sort out and decide. Banyak kena planning kalau nak buat betul-betul, tapi Vanessa kata don't let that stop you from making the video. Buat je dulu, nanti akan progress jadi OK.

Aku pun pikir-pikir, kenapa aku rasa nak jadi CONTENT CREATOR ek? Sedangkan aku tak penah pun upload pape dlm IG or FB. Dok senyap je...

Aku agak aku attracted to the process. Ada planning and kena figure out the system. Aku boleh imagine aku dok lama-lama kat kerusi edit video, captions, analyzing. Sekarang pun aku dok kat kerusi lama-lama tapi buat kerja yang tak benefit aku. Aku boleh imagine buat menda ni bila aku berenti kerja nanti.

Aku tahu bukan senang nak jadi CONTENT CREATOR. Aku tahu mungkin akan mengambil masa yang lama but don't let that hinder you from doing. Sikit-sikit, lama-lama jadi bukit.

Untuk permulaan ni, aku amik je video dlm handphone aku. Surprisingly, aku dah upload 4 Instagram reels dalam masa 6 hari. Alhamdulillah....And I started to make my IG public

Aku masih pikir camna nak buat youtube video. Nak tunjuk muka ke tidak...siapa target audience and niche aku. Kena belajar cara nak amik video, buang malu depan kamera....huish! macam-macam la kena belajar...haha!

But at least, this is tapping into my creativity to create stuff i.e. videos, pictures, captions, audio, scripts...This vision betul-betul aku yang jadi boss. Kalau freelance, still kena buat kerja untuk orang kan....Of course la long term goal is to monetize and earn something....in sha Allah Allah tolong.

Doakan aku...harap tak sangkut ditengah jalan.

Performance Review 2022

Performance Review 2022

Semalam ada performance review dengan boss. Alhamdulillah mood boss semalam baik so it was more about casual talk. She told some positive news and I really appreciate it. It was how a boss should motivate her staff, telling her subordinate what she saw was extra. She voted me to higher performance rating and highlighted the extra herself. Bukan suh kita tulis sendiri macam masuk bakul angkat sendiri...

She also wanted to groom me to become her successor. So not to let her waste her time, I told her about my plan of quitting...'I may not be working here until I'm 60 or even 55' I said. She said 'Oooooo...' which I think is an expected response when someone respects other people's decisions.

She also asked my opinion about something and I asked her about what I wanted to know.

So, all in all to me the performance review went well.

Plan to quit

Now that I have given a headstart to my boss, I seriously need to charter the actions plans for the 'Road to Quitting'. Alhamdulillah, I've found Vanessa Lau's channel and website that could provide me the checklists needed about quitting the job and start on doing youtube channel.

Wrapping Up Friday

Baru minggu ke 2 but I'm already feeling the heat! Argghhhh....cool, cool...I like it when I felt 'apa aku kisah, just get it done'. Baru la rasa laju buat kerja. Sebab most of the time memang rasa 'why am I still here?'. This is all about work...hate it. To like it, I want to do things I've never done before, for my own personal growth. Things like jawab ikut suka, really know the numbers, help others, take charge, step up.

Believe in Allah SWT, the best planner.

Aritu dok tercari-cari apa yang aku nak try buat this year. Last year dah try basic bertukang (konon!). Tahun ni maybe nak try buat video for Youtube. Target 1 video in 2023. Haha! 1 jek? Susah wooo nak buat content. Came across Vanessa Lau kat Youtube, memang detailed la sharing dia.

Lagi satu, the word re-invent yourself, mind shift. I want to alter my mindset whenever there's a negative feeling about something. And not to take time to think the negative things. Celebrate people...

Don't lose your focus. Rise and stride!

2 weeks ago aku memang lemau. Malas nak buat apa-apa. Masak tidak, buat kerja tidak, kemas rumah tidak, jaga makan tidak, kumpul steps pun tidak. Buang masa sahaja. Sebab nak year end agaknya so holiday mood sentiasa. But at the same time dok bising pasal berat badan dah naik, rumah tak ok, kerja ntah apa-apa...

Semalam aku amik cuti so pagi aku pegi jalan-jalan kat IKEA and petang pegi massage kat CurioSpa Bangi. Pagi tu boss ada wassap pasal kerja. Aku nego untuk antar proposal in Feb (sebab aku tengah nak abiskan tulis case study) tapi jawapan dia tu tak support langsung, membebel. Menyampah!

Alhamdulillah, aku mohon kat Allah supaya bagi aku semangat untuk jadi efficient balik. Hari ni rasa refreshed, tak sure sebab dah dapat urut badan atau  dah deeply thought about how to respond to unimportant things such as unfavourable remarks from the boss.

I kept reminding myself, takkan sebab 1 orang yang tak penting dalam hidup aku menyebabkan aku lose everything. Biar dia dengan dunia dia, yang penting aku keep progressing and developing my strengths. Don't let unfortunate events causing you to lose focus of what's important in your life.

So dengan semangat baru, hari ni aku nak settle apa-apa yang penting and start planning for 2023.

Satu yang tak achieve tahun ni. Sedih sebab macam tak dapat nak khatam sekali lagi in Dec seperti yang aku target. Sebab last week dah period and pastu tak plan apa-apa camna nak cover. Ada lagi dalam 100 lebih pages....

Business Administrator? Allah Maha Mendengar!

 Ya Allah! Thank you Allah! Syukur Ya Allah... I have been thinking about this idea of monetizing my husband's expertise lama dah. Pastu my friend quit and start her own consultancy company last year (read it here). Ironically same month last year...

Then last week, my husband asked me to ask my EVO agent whether there's any office unit @ OSTIA yang available. I asked him what is it for but he didn't answer directly...

The next day, we were talking about something and I couldn't remember how it popped out but eventually he revealed that he's planning to start a training business with his friend and try to find a space to rent. His friend is currently looking for an assistant to manage the business. He does have one right now but his wife asks him to fire the assistant (we can only guess why...) I was like 'What? And why you didn't mention about the job to me! I'm willing to do it!...'

Ya Allah! Terdetik la masa tu, Allah memang Maha Mendengar! Although that information is merely an information tapi kekuasaan Allah dirasai dan dekatnya Allah dengan kita. Everything has its place and time. Be patient...

Mula lah aku berangan tapi still macam caya tak jugak so I just left the conversation there not wanting to put high hopes on it.

Then semalam, my husband mention lagi. "Betul ke nak kerja Business Administrator? Banyak menda nak buat tau...nak kena cari sales, kena tahu how to claim HRDF"....Auww! Dengar pun aku dah excited. Excited nak berenti kerja! Haha!

Biasalah bila kita nak buat perubahan, getting into new unknown territory we start to doubt ourselves.

Alhamdulillah Allah SWT jumpakan aku dengan Jim Rohn's motivation series:

• Don't wish for things to get easier, wish you were better
• Don’t wish for less problems, wish for more skills
• Don’t wish for less challenge, wish for more wisdom.

Remember, things happen for a reason. Opportunity only knocks once...It's time to make a change, grow yourself...

Motivation and personal goals

Motivation...motivation to quit my job...

Quotes from Denzel Washington

Make sure you have something to fall forward to, not fall back on

It will be frightening but rewarding

Ease is a greater threat to progress than hardship

Without commitment, you'll never start

Without consistency, you 'll never finish

It's not easy, if it were easy.....

If you hang around a barber shop long enough, eventually you'll get a haircut. You will catch a break....

Dream without goals are just dreams, and ultimately fuel disappointment

Have dreams but also have goals...life goals, yearly goals, monthly goals

Don't confuse movement with progress.....Just because you're doing a lot more, do not mean you are getting a lot more done

In order to achieve goals, must apply discipline and consistency. You have to work at it....you have to plan every day

Hard work works. Working really hard is what successful people do

What are you going to do with what you have? It's not about how much you have, it's what you do with what you have...We all have different talents

The most selfish thing to do is helping others...why it's selfish? Because the gratification the good feeling that you get when helping others...

You only live once...do what you passionate about

Don't just aspire to make a living, aspire to make a difference

Get out of your comfort zone!

Mei dah selamat berlalu, aku pun dah selamat raya sebulan. Mei tu bulan raya Syawal kan, seronok makan dan jalan-jalan la. I did a few things worth mentioning. Nanti aku kabor ya...

Joining high school reunion

Hari ni nak cerita how I was contemplating whether to join my school reunion or not. Nak jawab survey form je pun. Aku jawab juga in the end bila aku teringat, Allah kata sambungkan siratulrahim, buat baik etc. So aku jawab survey tu dengan jujur, tak mau jadi committee tapi ok je kalau nak assist.

Then aku pikir balik, apsal masa reunion dulu tu susah benor aku nak join. Malas nak mingle alasannya. Tapi if I dig myself deeper, sebenarnya reason aku common je. The common reason people don't want to go to reunion...segan dengan member. Segan sume la...depa berjaya, aku tak. Depa kurus, aku tak. Depa glamer, aku tak. Depa kaya, aku tak. All these insecurities standard la cara pikir  masa aku muda-muda dulu. Bila dah matang ni, dah ingat akhirat so lain dah cara pikir tu.

Jalinkan balik persahabatan (kalau masih ada). Kalau takda, at least dapat jumpa member2 lama. Jumpa tang tu je la...lepas tu hang ingat depa akan contact ko ke....tak kot. Masing2 kan dah ada haluan masing-masing. So why worry, just go and have fun!

I'm doing this for myself, to do things that is outside my comfort zone. Go and meet people and at least I've got something to write about.

Other benefits include as a target to lose weight. Event tentative in Oct-Nov. Berat aku sekarang ni kira paling berat la, 76kg. Perut geleber abis.

So I'm part of the team for venue and catering lead by Airin. Tadi aku ada call la 2 venue: Sekebun Bunga (Batang Kali) dengan The Hidden Valley (Kajang) for quotation. Try call Bora Ombak tak angkat-angkat.

Try cari event hall kat Shah Alam, belum jumpa pulak.

Tengok Airin dok post villa from Airbnb. Dia nak cam rumah/villa kot which to me OK jugak. Santai sikit. Event hall cam formal kan...pastu kita dah tahu suasana dia camna.

Sekebun Bunga tu cute nama dia tapi jauh la ke Batang Kali sana, dalam 2 jam naik kereta ok. Dia memang tulis boleh fit 100 pax for event. Dalam hutan, ada sungai...sapa suka outdoor mesti suka. Memang takda catering so kena arrange sendiri. Aku pikir kalau jauh gini, kita sediakan bas la untuk attendees...haha! Baru rasa cam zaman sekolah dulu! Most probably tak amik yang ni kot, tengok la caner.

The Hidden Valley kat Sungai Ramal jek, dekat la pulak. Bagus jugak. Senang nak pi. Aku pernah pegi wedding kat situ. Modern la villa dia. Ada provide buggy sebab parking kat tanah lot lain.

Nanti aku update lagi yek....

Risau dan tawakkal

Risau

 I was analyzing myself. Why I would get worried and keep thinking about things whereas there's nothing to worry about? The problem is it would affect my day, let's say I get an email from my boss saying something is not done right in the morning, I would immediately worry whereas there's nothing to worry about. Just get done with it and things should be fine but noooo, i would dwell on something that has not happened yet. It is actually a waste of my emotional energy and worse the day would be a drag....I want to overcome that response because like I said, it is such a waste of energy. 

Yes, I've tried being optimistic but sometimes you just can't. So during times that I am being pessimistic, what should I say to myself?

Tawakal

Then I came accross this post in fb and it really has answered my question. There's nothing to worry about...Leave it to Allah SWT. Things happen for a reason and only Allah knows. This could be actually a test of my faith in Allah SWT

Allah knows best

Allah knows best and He knows what's best for you. Like I said, things happen for a reason but I must be able to learn from whatever has happened. It should be whatever that you're doing, it gets you closer to Allah SWT. Not that you don't have to do anything and leave things be. Note that Dunia is the place for you to accumulate as much as possible good deeds that will bring you closer to Allah, gain His redha which Allah guarantees He'll save you at Akhirat.

So when I worry, I'm not trusting Allah SWT. It's human nature to worry because humans are weak, do keep that in mind. As humans are weak, I have to remember Allah SWT. I should say my worry to Allah and pray to Allah to help me to get through it.

Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah for your guidance. I hope I'll remember this to get through life in Dunia...

Allah SWT Yang Maha Mendengar dan Maha Penyayang

 Aku pernah rasa macam yg Teri Ijeoma rasa ni bila dia kata seperti tuhan membantu dia...

Pembahagian rumah pusaka

Masa tu mak aku bincang macam mana nak buat dengan rumah peninggalan pusaka ayah aku. Aku macam rasa bagi je kat adik bongsu aku sebab dia duduk Batu Pahat and belum ada rumah. Mak aku pulak suggest untuk aku amik and bayar harga rumah kepada adik-beradik aku yang lain ikut faraid. Mulanya aku macam hesitant sebab aku tak mau buat loan dah...tapi untuk sampaikan hajat mak aku, aku terima.

Mana nak cari RM88,000?

Dah aku kena pikir camna nak cekau RM88,000. Nak kumpul duit gaji, lama la lagi. Then aku teringat pasal LAD claim EVO Soho....Nak dijadikan cerita, kebetulan pada masa yang sama EVO residents tengah kecoh nak buat LAD claim pada developer. Awalnya aku tak amik port, sebab sibuk keje kot masa tu.

Then semacam Allah beri lorong dan ilhamkan kepada aku. Why not usahakan buat claim LAD, at least boleh bayar separuh dulu. Ini yang aku rasa bahawa Allah SWT dah bagi jalan untuk aku menyampaikan hajat mak aku. Tapi kalau aku tak buat apa-apa memang tak settle la pasal rumah tu. Boleh settle tapi mungkin kena bear monthly loan...So aku kena usahakan and belajar sebab memang aku tak tahu apa-apa pasal buat tuntutan LAD ni

Rezeki Allah bagi: Tuntutan LAD

Aku daripada tak tahu apa-apa langsung pasal LAD, kena belajar and usahakan untuk buat tuntutan aku. Alhamdulillah ada hamba-hamba Allah yang sukarela sharing kepada semua. I was amazed with their willingness to help others. Semoga Allah rahmati mereka dan luaskan rezeki mereka di atas pengorbanan masa mereka.

Alhamdulillah, tuntutan aku diluluskan dan dapat membayar separuh daripada RM88k tu. Bakinya aku bayar bulan-bulan kepada adik-adik aku untuk 1 1/2 tahun dari Jan 2020 hingga Jun 2021. Last payment was in July 2021 bayar baki masing-masing sekaligus. Urusan pindahmilik pun dah selesai Dec 2019.

Tiada 'kebetulan', bukan 'nak dijadikan cerita'

Aku memang tak sangka dapat juga aku selesaikan hal rumah pusaka tu. Aku rasa sama macam yang Teri rasa. Allah SWT yang beri jalan, Allah SWT yang bagi ilham. Tiada apa yang kebetulan sebenarnya, tiada 'nak dijadikan cerita'. Benda berlaku mesti ada sebabnya.

Sama lah bila kita diberi ujian....benda yang kita tak suka adalah ujian dari Allah SWT untuk test kesabaran dan ketakwaan kita kepadaNya. Tapi Allah SWT bagi ujian bukan suka-suka. Kalo kita sabar dan fikir positif, in sha Allah ada kebaikan disebaliknya. Allah Maha Penyayang....

Teringat juga ayat adik aku 'menda-menda camni Allah SWT dah tulis dah. Kita buat macam mana pun akan jadi macam tu juga. Kenapa kita nak pikir yang bukan-bukan, nak mengelak sedangkan memang Allah SWT dah tulis camtu...follow the flow je la' Yes, follow with tawakkal, usaha dan yakin semuanya adalah ujian daripada Allah SWT supaya kita sedar dan perbaiki diri dan lebih dekat kepadaNya.

Tahniah! Syukur!

Tiada apa yang lebih membanggakan isteri bila penat lelah suami diiktiraf...walaupun cerita dah lama, nak simpan sini untuk kenangan... AOSTA

Road to Freedom 2021: Take Action!

Take action! My current motto ni..nak kena produce/gain RM within these 3 months to prove to my husband I can make some income from freelance and beli saham

1. My 1st class ni is actually a free online class. Lebih kepada long term trading. Bukan daily trading. Rasa seronok sbb apply my accounting and finance knowledge. Baru rasa berguna ilmu yang belajar selama ni...
2. Aku pun dah register masuk Freelancer.com. Belum properly isi my profile tapi tak tgk-tgk jenis job yang ada.....seram pulak tgk...boleh ke dapat job ni.
3. Currently aku nak try keje paling senang...data entry...aku tengah practise typing. My target is about 60 word per minute. Currently I'm at 45.
4. Nak register masuk GLOW, program MDEC tapi dah penuh. GLOW stands for Global Online Workforce. Dengar cerita2 mereka macam best. Tapi aku tahu, mana ada kerja yang senang.....

Next action are:

1. to properly isi my profile and study jenis-jenis kerja yang ada dalam Freelancer.com tu
2. register kat platform lain
3. keep on practising your typing

Lelah

 Lelah rasanya....tak mahu kerja dah....nak duduk rumah buat kerja rumah... letih melayan kerja dan boss. Rasa nak berhenti....

However, believe in Allah SWT...He always there when you need Him...talk to Him...seek His guidance....

• Own you title
• Do it for the company, do it for yourself as self-development. To develop my communication, network and handling issues/obstacles. It's for your own benefit....
• Take Monique as your role model
• Rise and step up
• Nothing is easy. Face it with tawakkal to Allah SWT
• Yes, people will not agree. It's normal...

Ya Allah! Berikan ku kekuatan!