It's a new day

I was rather sick for a couple of days. I thought it was flu but later I was told is was urine infection. Blessing in disguise I guess because I got to think about Jasmin' school refusal behaviour lately while not being at work.

Yesterday, she did it again exhibiting behaviour that she didn't want to go to school. As usual, I was really firm about school and my husband sent her at 8.00am (school starts at 7.40am). While on his way, I Whatsapp-ed to my husband about being firm on going to school regardless circumstances. Then my husband replied 'we have to support her in her difficult times' because she told her father she doesn't have friends at school. Being suspicious whether that's true or she is just giving excuses, my usual response would be 'Really? Or she just making this up?' 

But I didn't. I had told myself I really have to sort this out TODAY because this has been going on for 4 weeks. So whatever I do today must be effective to solve this issue. It came to me that I have to change my approach. I have to do something different or else this won't go anywhere.

I have always wanted to be a mother where her children can talk to about anything. Unfortunately I don't exhibit that aura of 'being open' but I keep asking my children to talk to me. Do you think they can? Of course not and I admitted my weakness yesterday. I drop tears because I admitted I myself keep everything to myself. I don't really open up my heart to anyone. Now I understand why my children don't speak up although I keep asking them to tell me their problems.

Instead, I just replied 'Ha'ah kan' agreeing to my husband's statement and I felt so relieved. I don't know why. Maybe all this while I was too focused on Jasmin not telling her problem. I was being suspicious. I was in anger of not getting things the way I want it (Jasmin to tell her problem). By agreeing to my husband's statement, I actually admitting my own weakness. All this while, all the screaming was about me not being able to see the real problem. The problem was me, not Jasmin. Oh Jasmin! I'm really sorry....

That afternoon after school, I talked to her while driving to get some desserts from a cake shop. I asked her about friends at school. She actually responded and I felt so happy because she did. I didn't mind what her answers were but I felt like I want her to talk more. That moment was a good moment for me to remember. I felt like I was giving her a moral support.

I should do a lot more on giving moral support. I have to make time to provide support for my children.

And Jasmin is a lot better today.