Ujian Allah untuk aku

I had a bad day yesterday. Maybe it was not that bad but I felt so awful. I felt ashamed and couldn't let it go. I tried to reason with myself it was not that erroneous but I still felt crappy. I tried to forget about it to continue with my life but yet I couldn't get my mind not to think about it and felt dissatisfied, inferior.

I tried to reason with myself but I still could not comprehend why it happened to me. I tried to read between the lines what Allah SWT is trying to show me. I tried to seek solace by spending time with my family at dinner, hugging my husband and yet I was not at rest, not satisfied with the reasoning I came out with and could not let go of the incident.

I've been asking Allah SWT, what Allah SWT was trying to show me. Was it because I was proud of myself too much? Was it because I didn't really do a good job? I tried to defend myself but somehow I thought my action backfired and useless. Or things would start to unveil one by one that I haven't actually do a good job before my resignation? Was it because I laughed too much? At this point I still could not get the negative thoughts out of my mind. It made me feel inferior, scared and ashamed. Why? Why am I very afraid and nervous in front of the management? Why I felt overly concerned with the small hiccup and thought my world is going to be over? Until....

I woke early as usual and still could not be at peace about it. I got out of bed, solat tahajjud, taubat and hajat seeking relief from Allah SWT. Ya Allah, finally I found my peace. I was trying to recall my experience in the past few days. Among them was I was busy preparing telematch stuff for coming weekend, my cousin passed away on Sunday...and suddenly it struck me....

During the visit to my cousin's house, I couldn't empathize what the widow was feeling. Yes, I felt her loss but one thing I missed was how hard for her to accept the situation because it came as a shock. That Sunday morning was like any other day as my cousin (arwah) went out to jog nearby his house alone. Definitely his wife (now widow) didn't expect that was the last time she would see him.

How I relate this to my incident is now I know my reaction when I'm in shock. In my case, I felt relief having done a good job but later in the end was commented to improve in front of my management. That came as a surprise and I didn't expect the comment at all because I thought I did ok during the audit. To me this is a shocking news. So now I know how it feels like when I'm faced with a shocking news. I'll dwell and all the negative thoughts will start flooding in and poisoning my mind. I will start questioning why it happens, what I have done wrong. This is my reaction if I am in shock.....

The truth is, people don't actually care how I feel. OK, I may have done a mistake. I just need to accept it and do better next time. Yes, it was highlighted in front of the management, so what? 'She's a crap' they might say but should it affect me? It a way, I shall take note but don't have to feel overly concerned about it. Other people have worse experience than me and yet they survive. So I should too. Just get on with my life. There are other important things that matter to me and I should continue on.

About being too nervous and trying to avoid the management, it could be because of my childhood experience. I may have issues with authoritative figure....I may try to avoid them because I'm afraid of them. Afraid to be in front of them, afraid to converse with them. This may sound normal and common but I'm trying to figure out why. I should treat this behavior because my fear should only for Allah SWT.

Alhamdulillah, praise to Allah SWT as I feel at ease now and let gone be bygone. Thank you Allah for showing me the lesson learnt from this experience. Thank you Allah for letting me know the feeling of loss and how devastated my cousin's wife must have felt right now.....

Lasik_My Wish Came True Part 2

 You can read Part 1 here

So my surgery date was set on 27 Oct. Aku tak sempat nak takut/ neves pun pasal lasik tu sebab sibuk dengan menda lain. Isnin amik half day jumpa sensei Jasmin pasal study dia. It's now open on the table that she's gonna drop JUP.

Pastu tak sempat nak muhasabah pasal tu, macam-macam kerja opis yg unexpected datang between Selasa and Khamis. Tupt tup tiba-tiba dah Jumaat 27 Oct.. Ada satu lagi event sebenarnya, husband aku balik Perlis sebab nak amik kereta baru Honda City Hatchback untuk ganti kereta Myvi aku...yang tu pun aku tak sempat nak excited.

The day: Friday 27 Oct 2023

Back to the surgery day, aku kena ada kat klinik kul 10.00 pagi. Aku mintak tolong member yang duduk dekat rumah aku tolong hantarkan. Pastu mintak tolong dia amik kul 1.00 nanti. Sbb right after surgery, vision akan kabur and tak selamat untuk drive.

Tunggu di ward

Bila sampai klinik, aku masih belum nervous. Sibuk inform colleagues and boss yang aku MC aritu. At 10.30 I was called and a nurse brought me upstairs. Ada ward rupanya and I need to change into baju OT. Seluat ketat sebab aku dah gemuk! Haha! tapi boleh la. Aku pakai inner sebab staff klinik yg call aku hari Khamis bagi tip suh bawak inner. Then aku pun tunggu sebab nurse kata nanti ada orang datang untuk cuci mata. Aku pun tunggu, nak dekat sejam jugak la...Aku masih lagi belum neves. Aku start nervous bila dia start pakaikan penutup telinga. Masih kat ward lagi masa tu. Then ada sorang lagi datang untuk bawak aku masuk OT sebab aku dah tak pakai spec kan masa tu....dia tolong pimpin tangan aku. Bila masuk OT, mmg dioghang pakai baju OT juga. Okay, this is it! My God! Ya Allah! Kau lancarkan lah surgery aku ni. Aku baca Bismillahi tawakatulAllah La Hawlawala kuwataillahbillahhilaliulazim....

The procedure

So dioghang suh aku baring and inform ada 2 machine. First, katil aku akan ditolak ke kiri untuk 1st machine, then ke kanan for the 2nd machine. 1st machine tu untuk potong lapisan atas agaknya. Dr pun  buatlah apa yang patut untuk tahan mata aku daripada berkelip. dia letak cam pengangkang and titik ubat kebas. Pastu dia kata nanti machine tu datang dekat mata, aku kena pandang je cahaya kat machine tu. Masa tu aku rasa macam dalam citer sci fi. Bila machine tu datang dekat dengan mata aku, tiber aku terbayang citer 'Eagle Eye' yg Shi Le Beouf berlakon tu. Then machine tu buat kerja, and the assistant akan countdown so aku boleh tahu bila process tu selesai. Countdown rasa tak sampai 1 minit per eye. 

Bila dah selesai 1st machine, dr kata 'ok, next is nak laser...' Gulp! Owh belum laser lagi ker? Aku kata dalam hati. So dioghang tolak katil aku ke kanan. This one, dr flip open the outer layer yang dipotong tadi. Imagine macam kita potong isi rambutan dengan pisau untuk dimakan. Tapi aku takda rasa apa-apa pun. Bila dah bukak, laser pun datang untuk buang power mata aku. Seyes tak rasa apa-apa, sebab kebas kot. Tapi memang ada bau hangit, bak kata Afie, member yang antar aku pagi tadi.  Ada countdown juga which aku rasa sangat membantu untuk aku bertahan and tahu procedure tu sekejap je.

Alhamdulillah, procedure selesai. Dr puji aku sebab tak nervous sangat. Alhamdulillah, semuanya dengan izin Allah SWT.

Right after the procedure

Aku balik ward ngam-ngam kul 12.30. So the whole process dalam 1 jam termasuk aku diinterview oleh technician machine tu dan consultancy dengan dr. Aku wassap member confirmkan aku dah abis. Afie memang dah ada masa aku turun. Penglihatan aku masih blur, macam kita swimming pastu air masuk mata. Memang kena orang lain drive kan balik. 

Aku banjer Afie Kenny Rogers ordered from GRAB (tak advise la beli, sbb kurengggg sikit...) Borak-borak dengan Afie dulu lepas makan sebelum titis ubat. Ada 3 jenis: eye drop, antibiotic and anti radang. Ada rasa pedih-pedih sikit tapi lama-lama hilang. Afie pun nak balik sambung kerja, aku pun nak tido.

Teringat lagi dr suh aku tido bila aku minta advise apa kena buat after procedure. Dia kata "balik rehat, jangan masak pulak...tido je" Aku rasa cam pelik, rasa cam mimpi bila orang suh kita tido. Selalunya aku tido sebab dah penat sangat atau memang dah tertido depan tv. IT really made me feel something when I just did nothing. I could feel how work can get me so caught up and ignore other things including myself.

Around Asar aku terjaga, Alhamdulillah dah clear, dah boleh nampak cuma rasa kering sikit. Dr kata eye drop takpa, boleh titis lebih kerap. Yg lain every 4 hours.

Petang tu lepas magkit dari tido, tergerak hati pulak nak check Youtube cari video pasal Lasik. Sib baik la tengok after dah buat procedure...haha! Kalau tak mau pikir 1,000 kali!

Day 1 after the procedure

Terjaga dari tido, aku bukak mata. Tak da rasa pedih. Aku boleh nampak benda, tak kabur dah. Sebab sebelum ni aku pemakai contact lense tegar, so yang ni rasa cam tu jugak sebab vision jelas. Kali ini bezanya, ini sebenarnya vision mata aku tanpa bantuan contact lense. Tak perlu risau tertido dengan contact lense dah (which is not good for the eyes) Alhamdulillah!

Bila nak mandi, aku masih angkat tangan ke muka konon nak bukak spec. Eh! Silap, mana aku ada pakai spec! Alhamdulillah!

And after this, no more visits to optometrist...ada la jugak kalau nak beli sunglasses kan. No more eye products like cleaners, casing, kain wipe spec. No need to know about brands e.g Hoya, Ziess lense etc.

One less to think about (and whatever related to it e.g cost, worry nanti dah tua camna). Though I have not feel the liberation yet. Nanti bila aku start buat yoga kot....

I still have my glasses and contact lenses yang belum pakai....simpan sekejap before I say goodbye...

Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah diatas rezeki yang Engkau limpahkan ini. Semoga aku istiqamah menyembahMu Tuhan sekalian alam....Aminnnnn

For record keeping here:

My procedure is Presbyond using femtosecond laser. Left eye corrected 100%, Right eye corrected 400 out of 600, simpan sikit untuk rabun dekat

Lasik_My Wish Came True Part 1

 Aku tak sempat nak post pasal aku buat lasik. Kalau sebelum ni, aku pasti akan buat countdown atau tulis pasal aku punya survey on lasik. Tapi tak tahu kenapa, memang aku tak sempat. Banyak benda yang aku suka buat dulu, aku tak buat dah...dulu aku ingat, weekend aku sanggup ngadap laptop survey holiday la, plan renovation la. Tapi sekarang aku malas nak bukak laptop on weekend...nape ek? 

Agaknya sebab sekarang aku guna laptop opis kot. Aku rasa nyampah nak bukak laptop. Nyampah tengok email, nyampah tengok folder...all reminds me of work. Some people ok je, cam laki aku. I think they really embrace 'Work from Anywhere'...whereas aku masih nak ada boundary between work and personal. Dulu aku ingat aku boleh work from anywhere tapi somehow aku yang pressure diri aku sendiri. Maybe boss takda cari pun tapi aku yang gelisah kot-kot boss cari. Aku tak pandai menyambil buat kerja lain tapi aku dok duduk depan laptop (ni kat rumah ni). Ada orang dia boleh pegi keluar amik anak la, bayar bil la etc...

Tiba-tiba nak buat LASIK?

Enough about my mumbling.Let's go back to cerita lasik. Macam mana aku tiber nak buat lasik? Masa tu aku try nak pikir apa lagi yang aku kena buat before aku berenti kerja. Sbb bila dah berenti nanti, duit tak masuk. Sekarang la kalau ada apa-apa nak beli sementara ada duit gaji. Sebelum ni masa lasik tengah viral possibly 2008 onwards, ada orang opis buat lasik dengan Prof Muhaya. Agaknya masa tu seram lagi dengar laser treatment plus duit pun tak berapa nak ada masa tu, aku takda la nak buat. Aku prefer pakai contact lense lagi masa tu. Then end 2019 masa check mata kat Menara Seksyen 7, orang tu kata mata aku ada sel darah mati. Aku ada citer kat sini Since then aku tukar ke daily contact lense tapi aku jimat-jimat pakai bila perlu sebab mahal kan. Aku pun start pakai cermin mata pegi opis.

DAILY CONTACT LENSE + CERMIN MATA = COSTLY

My first prescription with new glasses was around RM2,200 sekali dengan daily contact lense. Entitlement untuk claim RM750 saja. Quite mahal la pada aku. Then, after a while aku agak sebab jarang pakai contact lense, bila aku pakai nanti aku rasa tak selesa dan tak berapa terang. Aku rasa pakai cermin mata lagi baik, lebih selesa.

Cuma bila pakai cermin mata ni, kena berjaga-jaga, kena ingat letak kat mana. Power aku masa prescirption tu dalam 5.50 dan 5.75 (kalau prescription cermin mata lagi banyak dlm 600). Kalau tak ingat mana aku letak, meraba-raba la aku mencari sebab rabun aku tinggi kan. Selalu memang kalau depan mata pun tak nampak! 

Pastu rajin berkabus la bila kita exercise. Aku pun ada malas nak buat yoga sebab bila kita terbalik buat downward dog ke apa, spec tu mesti lah terkeluar/tergantung...basically aku rasa tak selesa la.

BILIK AIR BERDAKI PENYEBAB NAK BUAT LASIK

Apa yang buat aku tekad nak buat lasik sedangkan dulu aku takut? Simple jek. Selalu kalau mandi kat bilik air mesti kita bukak cermin mata kan. Then 1 hari, aku masuk bilik air masa nak mandi aku terlupa bukak cermin mata. Bila aku masuk, baru aku perasan bilik air aku berdaki! Selama ni aku ingat bilik air aku bersih...adoii! Terus rasa nak buat lasik to end the misery! Kuang3x

I think I brought the matter up to my husband after Raya 2023 (July) kot. Dia kata nanti dia tanya kawan dia buat kat mana. Aku pun ada tanya cousin yg buat kat Vista Puchong (RM1,999 per eye). My friend Zied, buat ngan Prof Muhaya last 2 years (RM6,000++ per eye). So it's kinda common now. Orang yg I tanya have no subsequent problems after the surgery. So if everyone is fine, what am I afraid of? I didn't need to think further, lasik is the answer for rabun people....

Then aku dapat tahu aku punya officemate punya adik ada buat kat Bangi, Seksyen 3. Dekat nau dengan rumah aku. So dah terlanjur dekat aku gi la terjah hari Sabtu kul 10.00 pagi. Kebetulan ramai orang masa tu, terus tak jadi. Bila tanya reception, dia kata kalau nak jumpa dr kena bayar RM500 dulu. Adeh! mahai bebenor. What if mata tak sesuai buat lasik? Pastu aku tanya kalau buat lasik range harga dalam berapa? Reception kata dalam RM5,000 - RM8,000. Okay, aku catit dulu. Dia pun advise datang weekdays kalau tak mau tunggu lama.

1st EXPERIENCE

Later on 3rd Oct, aku ajak husband pegi clinic yang kawan dia pegi (Advance Vision Eye Specialist) kat Damansara. Aku ada google up the clinic and apparently harga dia tak mahal. 1st screening tak perlu bayar apa-apa. Subsequent appointment baru bayar RM100. So kami pegi and get my eyes checked. Alhamdulillah boleh buat lasik tapi dia kata tak ubat rabun dekat. Treatment dia nama Trans PRK. Harga dia RM5,588 + RM3,000 sebab kena treat astigmatism.  Tapi masalahnya kliniknya jauh. Nanti lepas surgery, kena datang follow up dalam 4-5 kali juga. Dah la nak parking pun payah. So after due deliberation, since harga tak jauh beza dengan klinik Bangi aku decide buat di Bangi saja. Nak pegi follow up check up senang nanti.

PUSAT PAKAR MATA BANGI

Sebenarnya aku plan nak buat bulan Dec, bila kat opis tak havoc sangat. Selalunya orang akan amik cuti Dec so kurang la sikit kerja-kerja yang ad hoc. Nak dijadikan cerita, aku cuba pegi Pusat Pakar Mata Bangi hari Jumaat 20 Oct kul 2.30 ptg. Bila aku sampai reception kata orang ramai, memang aku tak sempat jumpa doktor. Ni kali kedua aku datang, tak sempat nak jumpa doktor. Aku pelik klinik Bangi ni tak boleh buat appointment, kena walk in. Reception tu advise aku datang esok hari Sabtu kul 9.30 pagi. So I did and I waited until 10.30 and finally I got my eyes checked!

So the screening lebih kurang macam kat Damansara. Cuma kat sini dia buat Presbyond treatment meaning akan treat aku punya rabun dekat juga. WoW! Ini sudah bagus! Tapi bila tanya betul-betul, rabun dekat ni sebenarnya tak boleh dielakkan. Memang akan ada bila kita menua nanti. Cuma dengan treatment ni, dia melambatkan aku pakai spec rabun dekat 5 tahun lagi. Tak kisah la...orang mata sihat pun memang akan ada rabun dekat.

Person in charge tu juga explain the differences betwen LASIK, PRK and SMILE. Dia kata dr suggest aku buat LASIK. Faster recovery and harga rendah sikit daripada SMILE. Aku OK kan jer, dah tak sabar tak payah pakai cermin mata. Aku pun tak sempat nak buat study differences between the surgeries, aku tahu LASIK jek.

Memula dia set surgery aku 3 Nov. Bila aku bagitau husband, dia kata nape tak buat next week? So aku call balik klinik nak ubah tarikh surgery to 27 Oct, cepat seminggu. Masa tu aku memang tak da rasa takut ke apa, sebab dok pikir pasai kerja kat opis. I kept telling myself, if other people can, why can't I?.....

to be continued...

Tarik Nafas! Hembus!....

 Aduh...baru sempat bernafas ni. My last post was in July, skrg dah hujung Okt. Tak ingat 3 bulan dok buat apa. Oooo...mungkin kami fokus kepada Jasmin sejak dia snap masa Hari Raya Haji bulan Jun aritu. Kira bulan July dan Aug, kami layan dia pegi balik Beranang setiap hari, so dia tak stay kat kolej. Kami ada gi Avilion Port Dickson and Tiong Trove kat Perak.

Alhamdulillah, Jasmin nampak kembali seperti dia. Dia dah start stay kat asrama bulan Aug agaknya. Harini ada perjumpaan dengan lecturer dia. Last exam, dia ada fail 1 subject. Disebabkan itu dia tak boleh fly ke Jepun. So to us is 'what's next?'....I admit I felt a bit disppointed but maybe Allah SWT has other plans for her. I know Allah has other plans for her. I could only do my best as a mother to care and support her.

Bulan Sept, mak datang Bangi for a week. Kami layan pegi picnic kat GIBS, Ulu Yam on weekend. Pastu aku amik cuti hari Rabu 27 Sept, bawak mak tengok demo masak K Zaida Ibrahim. Sebelum ni mak selalu sebut nama K Zaida, tgh fb dia, masak Nasi Ayam guna resepi dia, beli product online etc. I guess my mum really likes her so tu yang bawak dia. Kalau nak tengok demo dia masak, free je pastu studio dia kat Puchong. Ok la....doable. Alhamdulillah, dapat penuhi hajat mak.

Sept jugak, ada pegi Kuala Terengganu. Ad hoc plan! Huish, dah lama tak buat keje camni...main terjah je. Husband memang dok cari baju batik sebelum ni, nak buat pakai pergi keje hari Khamis. Kami memang dah round kedai-kedai kat Bangi tapi hubby tak berapa minat design kot. Kalau yang dia minat, aku pulak tak berkenan sebab macam design lama. Pastu nak dijadkan cerita, dah keluar pekeliling wajib pakai baju batik so hari Rabu malam dia tanya aku 'kat mana ada banyak jual baju batik?' Aku jawab la 'Pasar Payang' tapi tak sangka la pulak response dia "Ok, jom weekend ni pegi Kuala Terengganu.." Err....err....aku macam ada plan nak kemas rumah sebelum mak datang tapi takkan nak tolak bila orang ajak pegi jalan-jalan kan... Aku pun kata OK. Memang ad hoc gila. Pegi semata-mata nak beli baju batik...haha!

Since dah boleh bernafas sikit ni, aku kena recap balik and jot down things I need to do on household and retirement....and weight management...next post ya

 

Weight Management Week 4

 Start 11 Jul Weight 80.1kg

Harini mcm dah masuk Week 4. 

Preparation nak resign

 Banyak betul version personal file aku dalam laptop company ni. Aku kena transfer mana yang aku nak and later delete all my personal files.

31.07.2023    Currently tengah upamik from OneDrive - Documents - NR - Personal masuk web Synology supaya aku boleh copy masuk dalam personal laptop aku. Nanti tahun depan tinggal amik Contribution/ NR Spending saja....

Next kena guna Lenovo untuk copy from Synology - Personal 2023

Progress of weight management

 Hari ni Isnin, 31 Julai. Just to record since I've seen a bit of a progress walaupun kg tak turun-turun.

Jam baru

Just to remind myself, husband belikan jam Honor baru dalam bulan Julai juga.

Exercise

Kalau ikut Huawei Health record, aku start exercise 11 Jul so dah 3 minggu aku exercise 5 kali sehari untuk 30 min at least. Mula-mula aku buat indoor walk, pastu tambah upper body dengan dumb bell. Berat tak turun sangat tapi ada la turun sikit. Harini aku masih 80.1 kg, harap dalam minggu ni boleh la turun ke 79 kg.

Aku ada rasa badan ringan sikit. Target untuk maintain buat 30 min exercise setiap pagi kecuali bila puasa Isnin-Khamis.

Last week aku ada buat treatment kat Michele Lazar costing RM450. Tak tahu la worth ke tidak....

Makan dan air

Makan aku tak jaga sangat tapi cuba elakkan makan dinner. Kalau makan dinner pun, jamah-jamah saja. Air aku tak consume cam dulu 4 liter, dapat dalam 2 liter saja. Kekadang 3 liter.

Aku pun start puasa Isnin dan Khamis. Read about  Autophagy

Aku takda amik teh ke, coffee ke. Vitamin aku amik lecithin 2 biji sehari, pastu Omega 3 atau Vit C.

Aku kena start amik banyak protein untuk rebuild muscle. Bila dah tua ni, kita akan kehilangan muscle. So aku kena start balik buat shake for breakfast. Lunch bawak bekal dari rumah, makan yang sedap-sedap supaya makan rasa cam malas nak makan. Kalau terasa nak munch, please capai green apple or chocolate 70% coco.

Rasa fat percentage dah naik jadi 41%...Yikes....

New things I did so far in 2023

 Just to list out new things I did this year to remind me to keep going:

1. Declare to re-invent myself in IG
2. Started to post reels on IG. I like it!
3. Help out during gotong-royong SKJ4. Met energetic people
4. Joined sports fiesta, playing carrom
5. Tukar lampu kalimantang

Jasmin Nadirah 2023

She a quiet person. Introvert maybe. She's 1 year younger than people think her age is...she was born on Dec 2004, so people would think she's 19 today. Actually she just turned 18 years 6 mths.

She's a CAPRICORN (extracted from here )

Personality traits include ambitious, persistent, realistic focusing on the negatives rather than 'possibles'. Capricorns have zero tolerance when it comes to being made fun of, like, ZERO. Caps can make sacrifices. They can control their urges. They are rock solid. Caps are into money, puzzles/ games and DIY/gardening. Caps loves being at home, doing something useful

Capricorns get stuff done.

The key thing for Capricorn is to feel they are being justly rewarded for their precious efforts. They are prepared to work harder than anyone else, but only so long as the payback justifies it. They are born to earn big amounts!

Jasmin as described by me

• Jasmin loves to be touched, hold. Possibly it's lacking from me as she grows older. I need to hug her more
• Jasmin need attention. Jasmin is sort of middle child which tend to lack attention from parents. She's 1 year younger than her birthdate. I need to communicate with her more.
• Jasmin is strong and has a mind of her own. Jasmin is potential to go far but she needs support and encouragement from me so she can stride with confidence.
• Doakan untuk Jasmin. Teach her personal hygiene and Islamic preachings. Treat her and teach her to be a lady. I have to give nasihat both for Jasmin and Irdina. They will listen....I just need to guide them.....

Psychosis and schizophrenia

Psychosis 

a collection of symptoms that affect the mind, where there has been some loss of contact with reality. During an episode of psychosis, a person’s thoughts and perceptions are disrupted and they may have difficulty recognizing what is real and what is not.

Schizophrenia 

Serious mental disorder in which people interpret reality abnormally. Schizophrenia may result in some combination of hallucinations, delusions, and extremely disordered thinking and behavior that impairs daily functioning, and can be disabling

Symptoms of schizophrenia may include:

psychotic symptoms, including hallucinations, delusions, and disorganized thinking, speech, and movement

negative symptoms, like lacking emotional expression and social withdrawal

cognitive symptoms, such as difficulty paying attention or challenges using information they’ve learned

Communication with them:

Practice active listening. Alongside this, pay close attention to their body language to get a better understanding of their inner feelings, perceptions, and needs.

Be patient during conversations. Acknowledge and validate their feelings whenever you can, even if you don’t fully agree with their beliefs.

Allow them time to process. Because they may have trouble staying on track or gathering their thoughts during conversations, give them some time and space to process what you say.

Simplify information whenever possible. Break down information or tasks into simpler steps to help them understand what you’re saying. Talk in short, clear sentences whenever possible.

Encourage them. If they experience low motivation (a common symptom), offer encouragement and praise them when they complete tasks.

Recognize psychosis and give them space. If they appear to be experiencing an episode of psychosis, allow them enough time and space so they can reasonably recover. Seek help if you recognize safety concerns.

Feeling motivated

 This happened on a Sunday. Ingat bangun awal nak exercise, pastu tertengok pulak youtube ni pasal her weight lose journey . Dia nak transform diri dia in 6 months. Stay at home mom of 4 and she made it.

Rasa terinspired pulak tengok video tu on so many level. It gave me ideas what to start for my Youtube postings. Terus amik pen and kertas tulis ideas yang datang mencurah-curah. Rasa nak terus buat la.... Apart from starting to make Youtube video, aku pun nak document kan aku punya journey nak jadi lagi sihat in 6 months. Dia kata 'picture the best version of you in months'. 

Reviewing my retirement fund

 With the economy looking bleak and I'm on my way to quit my job, I need to assess and review my fund position.

My plan is to tender my resignation on 1 Jan 2025 so I have about 18 months from today. I try to have savings of RM240k by that time so I can get the dividend of  RM12k (RM1k per month). However with current position, I'm still short 82k even if I do the following:

• Change contribution RM1,000 from PIOF (unit trust) to ASB which increases ASB contribution from RM200 to RM1,200.
• Take RM900 from EVO rental income and increase Tabung Haji contribution from RM300 to RM1,200

Yep, definitely need to find alternative source of income!

Doing something different

Doing things differently

Semalam ada tertengok youtube iChang cakap pasal dia burnt out. Dia kata dia rasa macam asyik buat menda yang sama jek....amik video, makan, pegi jalan, amik video, makan....

Semalam juga, kelas ngaji dapat khatam Al-Quran kali kedua. Alhamdulillah....asalnya kan after solat Maghrib, niat dah tak nak sambung kelas dah sebab kekadang tu rasa malas tu ada. Tapi macam tak terluah bila ustaz tanya. Yang menjadi pembakar semangat balik ialah bila ustaz kata kita dipilih Allah SWT untuk membaca Al Quran. Ya Allah! Insaf sekejap....kelas pun sekali seminggu dalam 1 1/2 jam. Kalau takda kelas ni, ntah aku akan baca Al Quran atau tidak. Ustaz ada kata, takpa kalau tenggelam sekejap tapi kita akan rasa macam missing something bila tertinggal tu....Ya Allah! Semoga aku istiqamah Ya Allah!

Then semalam ada terbaca wassap cikgu SKJ 4 pasal gotong-royong sekolah hari Sabtu untuk sapa yang nak volunteer. First instance, aku macam tak amik port tapi tengok juga la nama yang baru volunteer baru 3 orang. Tapi ntah kenapa pagi tadi rasa macam nak volunteer so aku pun bagi nama. Agaknya dok teringat video iChang pasal kebiasaan and do things differently. So I thought by giving my name, I am actually trying to get out of my comfort zone too. 

Content creation journey

All these are because I've been thinking about my content creation journey. Still nothing promising but I have to keep going. Haritu ada buat reel yang aku rasa best tapi views hanya 74. Nak sedey dah tapi aku pegang just keep on practising. 

Aku juga 1st time interact dengan Dek Wa sebab tengok dia active buat posting on produk yang dia jual.

Semalam ustaz pesan untuk selitkan hajat kita bila ustaz baca doa khatam Al Quran. Aku mintak dengan Allah supaya beri petunjuk dan permudahkan usaha aku untuk jana pendapatan from social media.

Mencari kekuatan dan inspirasi

 This weekend tak pegi mana-mana. Rasa macam ni 1st weekend yang tak sibuk after balik from Rome. Actually baru 2 weekend saja after Rome. Last week balik Perlis. 

Aku cuba untuk jadi productive sebab the 1st week balik from Rome, either aku jet lag atau tak sihat. Macam tak buat apa-apa. Last week started with Friday, aku tengok balik pending office work. Mula-mula tu memang rasa malas sebab aku memang dah tada hati kat kerja. Tapi aku pujuk hati supaya buat yang terbaik to leave some achievement before aku berhenti. So harini in sha Allah aku cuba jadi kreatif and get things done!

EVO tenant aku nak keluar awal. Patutnya contract 1 tahun dia abis Oktober. Dia bagi alasan Sudan tengah bergolak so takut tak dapat bayar on time. Patutnya aku boleh forfeit deposit dia tapi aku kesian dan dia pun bayar on time. So sebagai tanda terima kasih dan syukur kepada Allah SWT, aku return 90% of the deposit kepada dia. Lunch time Jumaat tu aku pegi check EVO and pulangkan deposit kepada dia. Aku pun kenalah bersihkan unit tu sebelum new tenant masuk.

Aku bersihkan EVO hari Ahad pagi sebab hari Sabtu occupied dengan chauffeuring Lutfi and Kasyif dengan aktiviti masing-masing. Lutfi ada Sinar Sabtu sampai pukul 12.30. Kasyif ada badminton sampai kul 12.00. Aku mintak husband aku amik dioghang nanti sebab aku ada appointment facial kul 12.30. After facial, kitoghang saja-saja pergi tengok kereta EV Ora Good Cat. Tak tahu la husband aku, tertarik dengan kereta EV agaknya. Aku tanya husband nak beli ke...dia kata ya. 'Pastu Abah bayar ke?' aku tanya sebab aku kan plan nak berenti 2025. Dia kata 'ya'...Seyes aaaa.....

Back tu EVO, after aku brisk walk kat denai pagi Ahad, aku shoot pegi EVO kul 9.30 am, Ingatkan kul 11.00 boleh abis, sekali tu kul 11.45 baru rushing nak balik rumah. Rushing sebab kitoghang dah plan nak makan Bananabro kat Bandar Seri Putra. Actually EVO tu nampak bersih pada mata kasar. Tenant tu kira ok la bersih kan unit sebelum keluar. Cuma habuk tu ada, I'm guessing dia tak tinggal pun kat unit aku. Tapi kipas MashaAllah! tebal gila habuknya! Sib baik la kipas je, yang lain should not take much time to clean. So aku vacum dengan Dyson and lap habuk. Memula rasa macam 99.9% dah siap tapi terpandang pulak hob. Alamak! Ada minyak la dalam grease collector dia....kalau tak bersih kan nanti menebal la jawabnya. Menda-menda camni bukan tenant amik port kecuali dia jenis yang pembersih and teliti. Nak bersihkan, tak sempat dah sebab dah janji nak makan Bananabro. Aku decide aku kena datang lagi for final clean. Kipas, hob, toilet and vacum sikit-sikit.

Plannya petang ni aku nak pegi kejap lepas keje. Agak-agak sempat tak 1/2 jam? Kuang3x. Kalau sempat banyak menda aku boleh achieve:

1. Inform K Taty unit aku dah ready and serah kunci kat dia
2. Beli Ayam Goreng Kunyit for dinner kat Max Value
3. Beli green apple kat Max value
4. Checkout Max Value kalau ada offer on ayam/daging/seafood

Harapan aku minggu ni aku dapat gerakkan activity on content creation....

Dugaan yang Allah datangkan

 Ada 2 situasi yang menyedihkan terjadi sejak aku balik from Rome:

1. Adik ipar suami aku meninggal sebab kanser buat pinggang
2. Adik aku tidak berduit dan kuat berhutang

Yang 1st tu memang pengalaman pertama aku, di mana orang yang dekat meninggal di usia muda. Adik suami aku berumur 38 tahun, yang meninggal suaminya. Mereka mempunyai 5 orang anak, yang paling besar tingkatan 2 dan yang paling kecil lahir bulan Oktober 2022 tahun lepas. Suaminya buat operation buang hempedu bulan Feb 2023. After operation mula-mula tu dia nampak masih kuat, sempatlah duduk rumah mak mentua. Tapi air perut kat tempat belah operation tu tak kering-kering so dia kena warded balik. Kira dia keluar masuk wad jugak la dan 2 hari sebelum Hari Raya Aidilfitri hujung bulan April, dia masuk ICU sebab rasa susah bernafas. Mak mentua aku kata dia nampak sangat lemah dan tak berdaya.

Then while we were in Rome, dikhabarkan suami dia dah tiada. I stayed silence, same with my husband. What else is there to say, hanya mampu ucapan Innalillah dan berdoa semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas rohnya. Terkenang bagaimana nanti isteri nak membesarkan anak-anak yang masih kecil...

And last week, kami balik kampung since kami takda kat Malaysia semasa kejadian berlaku. My husband cuba mendapatkan gambaran situasi kewangan adiknya bila tonggak keluarganya dah tiada. Memang terkesan sebab gaji adiknya tidak sampai RM3,000. Nanti campur dengan pencen arwah mungkin dapat dalam RM4,500 untuk menanggung 5 orang anak yang masih dibangku sekolah dan kecil. Apa yang aku boleh bantu? Cuba carikan skim atau bantuan yang boleh meringankan beban kewangan dia. So aku tengah survey JKM, Baitulmal, Zakat dan Jabatan Pembangunan Wanita.

Yg ke2, kes adik aku suka pinjam tak bayar balik. Dia rajin meminjam dengan adik-beradik aku. Cara meminjam seperti terdesak tapi yang adik-beradik aku pelik kenapa baru dapat gaji dah terus takda duit. Dioghang suh aku selidik. Tahun lepas aku memang ada jumpa adik aku tu, mintak info gaji, pinjaman, transactions. Rupanya bank tahan gaji dia sebab masa 2nd moratorium aritu, bank tersilap bagi. Dia tak tanya bank so dia dah guna duit tu. Bila bank perasan and suh bayar balik, dia tak buat. So bank terus tahan gaji dia. Hal tu dia tak citer kat adik-beradik dan sanggup meminjam sana  sini. 

Adik-beradik aku jugak suspect dia ada main forex. Pelik betul la, duit takda tapi nak main forex tu kenapa....

Sebab aku dah jumpa dia sorang aritu and keadaan tak improve, aku call wife dia pulak untuk dapatkan cerita daripada sisi lain. Punyala susah nak bercakap dengan wife dia tapi aku bersangka baik je la.

Then finally last Saturday, dia call aku balik and aku terus tanya mengenai masalah kewangan adik aku. Ada cerita lain rupanya dan aku sebagai seorang perempuan mestilah paham perasaan seorang isteri bila ditipu. Pada aku adik aku memang dah buat salah, menipu dan mencuri duit isteri sendiri.

Camna cara nak selesaikan ni? Adik aku tu hutang dah keliling pinggang, pastu buat pasal pulak dengan isteri dia. Aku wassap adik aku keesokan harinya....cerita lain pulak. Peningla! 

So aku nak bersemuka dengan dioghang. Aku bagi masa sebulan untuk dioghang tetapkan tarikh.

Ya Allah! Kau kuatkan lah kami Ya Allah! Berikan lah buat fikiran yang boleh membantu menyelesaikan kedua-dua masalah ini....

Reminiscing after Rome

 Alhamdulillah, dah selamat balik from Rome/UK. Tak sempat nak update post on preparation nak pegi sana macam dulu-dulu.

Aku rasa syukur tak terhingga kepada Allah SWT, Pencipta sekian alam atas ihsan dan rezeki ini yang diberikan kepada aku.Alhmdulillah tak kena pick-pocket...Alhamdulillah cuaca baik...Alhamdulillah tiada insiden yang tak diingini, Alhamdulillah dapat visit kawan lama, Alhmdulillah dapat visit rumah lama, tempat kerja di Southampton. Alhamdulillah dapat beli hadiah untuk kawan-kawan dan sedara.

Terima kasih Allah atas jodohku, insan yang paling baik yang aku kenali. Dia telah menjadi penemanku dikala aku sedih, pemberi semangat dikala aku down. menghiburkan dikala aku kesunyian. Tidak dinafikan dia mempunyai kelemahan tapi memang sifat manusia camtu kan. Aku pun ada kelemahan aku dan aku bersyukur dia boleh menerima kelemahan ku. Biar kami sama-sama support each other and try to manoeuvre this life together, the best we can.

Seronok dapat jumpa Zied, my friend since sekolah rendah kat Batu Pahat. Memang dah lama berangan nak pegi jumpa dia kat sana, see how she lives. Dia tinggal kat Cardiff. Cantik rumah dia....

Now I have to think what's next. Where would I go from here. Some of my thoughts

1. I must try to earn to finance holidays like this. Try 20k per year
2. Up my postings on IG and affiliate
3. Be grateful...always
4. Serve others especially own families
5. Believe in what you do

Home Improvement #2

 Last week before Abah pegi UK, dia dah indicate berapa allocation ada untuk Home Improvement Part 3. Sebelum ni yang major renovation bila extend dapur in 2008 (Abah kata dalam RM60k), pastu plaster ceiling + porch in 2009 (dlm RM20k). Masa 2009 tu start beli perabot yang elok sikit untuk living room jugak.

Sebelum ni ada kata kat Abah, nak elokkan lagi porch, extend bilik kids and re-vamp living room. Abah tanya budget RM50k cukup tak....Alhamdulillah, ada juga allocation walaupun sekarang harga bahan dah mahal especially besi. Pastu dia suh buat costing jugak untuk buat rumah kat tanah Enstek.

Uish! Banyak betul menda nak buat ni....plan for Rome, exercise, home improvement, my vlog....sume perlukan masa untk berpikir...

I'm telling myself jangan terpengaruh dengan IG and Pinterest...memang sekarang ramai yang buat renovation cantek2 tapi aku tahu mahal...I don't think I'm willing to spend extravagantly on home improvement knowing aku nak berhenti keje tahun depan.

Seyes perasaan nak berenti kerja datang lagi.....

Syawal dah nak berakhir

 Tahun ni memang rasa Syawal tu sekejap sangat....sebab cuti balik kampung tu panjang kot. Tahun ni aku kena ganti puasa 7 hari. Selalu aku dapat puasa enam sekaligus tapi tahun ni takda rezeki sebab this week is the last Syawal week. Saja nak list out things happened last week sebagai kenangan:

Ahad 7hb: Masak bihun sup jemput Mcik, Anjang, Azie, Imi sekeluarga

Isnin, Selasa, Khamis: puasa ganti (3 hari). 

Hari Selasa 9hb aku bawa HRV as practice untuk pegi Melaka weekend nanti, pastu balik dari kerja masak lagi sebab Akmal nak datang ziarah (dia tak dapat dtg hari Ahad). Bersilat aku kat dapur sebab ayam/ikan memang tak keluarkan. Plan nak beli sotong buat goreng tepung balik kerja tapi takda rezeki sebab sotong ke, udang ke dah abis. Sib baik sebelum tu mintak husband beli lauk bila dia keluar makan tengahari so dia belik ayam/daging salai masak lomak cilik api. Aku pulak masak ikan jenahak bakar, goreng sayur dengan telur. Pastu tambah ayam goreng Airfryer. Total lauk ada 5 (masak lemak, sayur goreng, ayam goreng, omelette, ikan bakar)

Rabu 10hb: Jamuan Raya TM kat sebelah, Abah pegi UK seminggu (Rabu ke Rabu). Kali ni aku tak nak bersilat. Kalau dulu aku akan maintain pegi opis awal jugak so punyalah berebut bersiap sebab kena hantar the 2 boys to school then off straight to work. Kali ni aku nak settle hantar dioghang dulu, pastu aku balik rumah mandi and bersiap. Kalau routine  biasa, keluar rumah kul 7.10 (dah ready nak pegi opis).....bila husband outstation, aku keluar rumah 7.10 jugak tapi belum mandi...haha!

Khamis 11hb:1st time aku tukar lampu kalimantang. Kebetulan Irdina nak balik rumah Khamis malam sebab kolej dia takda air. Dia balik bertiga dengan kawan-kawan dia. Aku baru teringat 'Alamak! lampu bilik Irdina ada problem'......bila ON dia berkelip, sakit mata. Masa tu dah pukul 9.00 pm lebih, pegi kedai pun dah nak tutup kot. Sian dia. Masa tu aku tengah sibuk masak kuah laksa untuk hari Jumaat. 

Jumaat 12hb: Masak Laksa Johor, jemput officemate datang rumah. Actually member yang suggest co -host sebab dia nak masak Nasi Tomato, pastu dia suh aku masak Laksa Johor and venue kat rumah aku. Aku OK jek sebab bahan mentah memang banyak aku beli aritu tu kecuali ikan la.Aku nak tenang-tenang jek hari Jumaat so tu yang kuah Laksa aku masak Khamis malam. Sampai kul 12.00 malam kau.

Lepas jamu officemate makan, aku pegi Speedmart beli lampu baru and pasangkan kat bilik Irdina. Rupanya senang jek! Haha! Kenapa la selama ni harapkan Abah! Adoiiiii....

Sabtu 13hb: Nak ke Melaka pulak sebab Akmal jemput open house rumah dia. Melaka dekat je dalam 1 1/2 jam so memang aku nak pegi although suami takda. Boleh beraya ke rumah Iwan sekali. Kasyif and Irdina tak ikut so aku ajak Mak Long since kereta kosong. Ni 1st time Kasyif tanya boleh tak dia tinggal sebab dia ada aktiviti kat sekolah. Bagusla dia menyuarakan pendapat dia and aku OK je.

Aku bertolak Sabtu pagi kul 11.30 am. Aku dah expect jem teruk tapi Alhamdulillah perjalanan lancar although kereta banyak. Lepak rumah Akmal sampai pukul 5.00 pastu pegi rumah Iwan. Aku baru perasan aku letih sebab bila petang tu aku tak cakap banyak. Pikir nak mandi jek sebab panas! 

Esoknya Ahad 14hb, aku bantu masak nasi goreng and balik ke Bangi pukul 11.00 am jugak sebab nak elak jem. Initial plan nak antar Jasmin balik Baranang. Pastu Irdina kata dia nak antar tapi pukul 5.00 petang tu dia tak bangun lagi, masih tido so aku kata kat Jasmin biar aku antar. Pastu dalam 5.15 dia tanya should dia naik Ashraf sebab Ashraf pun dah bersiap nak balik. Aku suh dia yang decide so dia kata naik Ashraf. Aku ok jek tapi before nak kuar dia peluk aku pastu nangis. Aku tanya kenapa? Nak mama antar ke? Lama dia pikir, pastu dia kata takpa la...dia naik Ashraf. Aku tanya dia nape dia sedih. Dia kata takda pape, homesick saja....

Sampai ke malam aku berpikir pasal Jasmin. Aku berdoa 'Ya Allah! Kau tenangkan hati anak-anak aku Irdina, Jasmin, Kasyif and Lutfi supaya boleh belajar dengan tenang'.

Happening betul last week. Dengan hubby not around, masak 2-3 round, bawak HRV pegi opis and Melaka. 

Aku ni nak pegi Rome in 2 weeks tapi memang tak finalize apa-apa pun lagi. Kete sewa and hotel kat UK belum book lagi.....pasni la....

Fungsikan emas

 Harini tengok-tengok investment in Public Mutual. Ada buat caruman cash RM1,00 sebulan masuk Public Mutual. So far dah RM18k...ingat nak cukup 20k pastu nak tukar beli semas setiap bulan....

Ok tak?

Baru je buat transaction kat Gold Saving Account (GSA) and nak pajak balik duit tu guna untuk pegi Rome. Pastu introducer kata tak nak beli unit pelaburan ke (beli emas). Dia ajar guna balance GSA untuk beli GAE10X. Dengan balance yang ada dapat beli 2 unit. So harini ada buat 2 jenis transactions:

1. GSA. Beli and pajakkan
2. GAE10X. 

Tiket Rome dah booking

 Alhamdulillah, semalam husband dah booking tiket ke Rome. The day before (Sabtu) kitoghang survey focusing on Emirates, Qatar and MAS. Sebelum tu aku ada survey and harga MAS rendah sikit berbanding Emirates sebab masa tu tengah promo/kot. Semalam tak dapat dah, jadi lebih dlm RM1k. Husband prefers naik Emirates sebab kapal terbang baru A380 and selalunya memang harga Emirates and Qatar lebih rendah daripada MAS.

Husband dah pernah naik A380 masa pegi Glasgow last month and dia baru tahu A380 ada 2 tingkat. So this time ke Rome, seats dia pilih ada yang tingkat atas dengan tingkat bawah, nak merasa both. Journey takes about 17 hours, ada stopover kat Dubai.

When I told my friend Zied about Rome, tak sangka pulak dia nak ikut. OK jugak, ada kawan jalan-jalan since hubby akan busy with conference. We'll be in Rome for 5 days and 3 days in UK so bolehlah visit rumah Zied. Flight tickets done, next to do research and itinerary.

Kali ni anak-anak tinggal sebab mahal kan sebenarnya nak pegi Europe ni. Tiket flight saja dah RM6k. Masa kecik-kecik, boleh la dapat harga kids. Itu pun pegi dekat-dekat saja. Jepun and Korea dalam RM1,500 per pax untuk harga tiket. Total spent dalam RM10k for the whole family. Ini kalau ke Europe, harga tiket untuk 5 orang dah RM30k, belum masuk accomodation. Dah la aku nak retire awal...huhu. Takpa la nak, kalau ada rezeki lain, in sha Allah boleh sampai ke sini.

Impian aku bawak anak-anak, tunjuk where we started as a parent (rumah kat Southampton). In sha Allah kalau ada rezeki. Aku kena berusaha la buat Youtube video tu sampai boleh jana pendapatan.

Sebelum ni aku rasa cam guilty jek pegi jalan tak bawak anak-anak tapi tengok orang lain selamba jek tinggalkan. Takpa la, at least aku pernah bawak 4 kali (Krabi, Bali, Jepun, Korea) masa dioghang kecik-kecik dulu. Plan nak tinggalkan dioghang kat Batu Pahat. Dioghang ok je sebab sepupu ramai kat BP tu.

Other nota kaki:

• Aku pun nak buat video for my Youtube channel kan tapi satu haprak pun tak buat apa.
• Dah beli denim jacket Padini kat Mitsui (RM79). To plan OOTD

Consistent and hard work

 Dalam keadaan VUCA (Volatile, Uncertain, Complex, Ambiguity) sekarang, aku memang expect company aku akan melalui banyak perubahan. Okay, we are taught to embrace change but I think I can't cope with the changes. Keadaan berubah tapi apa yang aku buat tak berubah, tak boleh la kan.... Aku pun kena ikut berubah. Tapi nampaknya makin lama, makin demanding aku punya job scope ni. Pressure pulak semakin kuat...I dunno. Maybe pressure tak kuat tapi sebenarnya aku tak rasa aku contribute apa-apa. Jadi aku seperti tertanya-tanya, is there anything I need to do? (apart from my routine tasks). Boleh je kalau nak buat dek jek...somehow we human sooner or later would like to have some sense of accomplishment/ achievement.

At this point, I dunno whether I can earn from social media. Tapi lagu 'Don't quite your daydream, it's your life that you're making...' mengembalikan semangat aku untuk tetap teruskan niat dan cita-cita aku. Memang usaha yang akan membawa kita ke tahap yang kita gambarkan. Kalau kita tunggu, ada kemungkinan kita tak dapat.

I can picture my retired life, busy buat video, buat planning untuk social media postings and any achievement that made me proud truly comes from my consistency and hard work. I'm capable of both but I used to stop when things get difficult. Then I learned about Valley of Despair. Memang normal orang akan give up di tengah jalan tapi kalau diteruskan, in sha Allah akan merasai hasilnya. Yg penting consistent.

To me, this could be the signs that will enable me to quit next year.....ada orang baru nak masuk, so subordinate aku boleh la jadi Manager and ada orang bawah dia bila aku kuar nanti....

Rome

 I have started planning for my trip to Rome, following my husband on his conference trip. Planning to singgah tengok Zied jugak kat Cardiff.

Flight ticket KL-Rome roughly dalam RM5k return. Flight Rome-Bristol dalam RM1k. Nak travel around cam kena sewa kereta. Bertabah la dengan harga-harga ni...nak berjalan punya pasal!

Kebetulan masa tu cuti sekolah, boleh la tinggalkan anak-anak. Kali ni pergi berdua jek sebab kos la jugak.

Cuma aku wish aku dah siap pergi haji sebelum pergi berjalan-jalan. Nak buat camna, aku masih belum ada rezeki untuk ke tanah suci lagi.

Weekend Ramadan #1

Suami ke Glasgow

Jumaat malam aritu husband bagitau dia terpaksa pergi juga Glasgow untuk IEEE conference. Sebelum tu dia macam malas sebab tengah  berpuasa kan. Tapi kalau dia pegi, dia boleh jumpa Faizi kawan baik dia kat sana. The IEEE insisted him to go so he just had to accept it.

He will be there for a week. I used to resent bila dia pegi outstation sebab kena tinggal uruskan rumah. Now I have matured and understand that it is his role as ketua keluarga to seek rezeki for the family, dia bukan pegi holiday although it looks like fun.

I have to prioritize. Maybe I should not cook time consuming recipes. Sebab tak sempat pun since trafik nak balik lagi teruk daripada tahun-tahun sebelumnya. Sahur pun sama...sebab nak kena keluar rumah awal, maybe aku patut masak siap-siap petang/ berbuka tu, nanti sahur tinggal reheat.

1st IG reel on cooking

On Sunday, I released an IG reel on 'Vietnam Roll Goreng'. Aku mintak tolong Lutfi nak set up camna. Aku berpegang pada 'just start, take action'. Asal video panjangnya 10 min. Untuk fit IG, jadi 1.0 min. Alhamdulillah, dapat byk view jugak. As of tengahari ni, dapat dalam 4++ view. Orang memang suka tengok video masakan kot. Kalau sempat, harini nak documentkan buat air pulak, recipe Khairul Aming

2nd Ramadan 2023

 Hari ni WFH. Alhamdulillah, at least ada jugak 1 hari kat rumah. Hari ni aku baru start puasa. Pagi tadi dapat kemas dapur sikit. Semalam aku sempat buat jadual menu, nanti nak tengok balik.

Plan tahun ni, nak buat video masak-masak...bila aku pikir-pikir balik, tools mostly dah ada. dioghang yang dok buat video masakan tu mmg untuk staging saja, bukan betul pun. Maksud aku the task is to video, bukan memasak untuk makan. So definitely masa yang dihabiskan ialah nak bagi video nampak lawa. Definitely if kita masak selalunya 1 1/2 jam complete juadah, bila nak buat video jangan buat time nak makan breakfast, lunch, dinner. Itu ialah masa untuk makan, buka untuk buat video. Betul la, buat video masakan renyah sebenarnya. Tapi kalau dah minat, dioghang OK jer, apatah lagi ia menjana pendapatan.

Maybe tahun ni aku kena ubah sikit timing aku masak. Sebelum ni siap masak ngam-ngam waktu berbuka, sahur. Aku kena siap awal atau prep awal. Aku kena buat yang simple-simple saja. Nak jadi adventurous waktu weekend bila masa ada. 

Memang rasa payah tahun ni. Tak sure sebab dah 2 tahun duduk rumah (so ada masa untuk semua) atau keadaan dah berubah so aku tak leh expect aku boleh buat benda yang sama sebelum Covid. Atau sebab aku dah meningkat umur dan aku tak secergas dulu. Tak ingat Ramadan tahun lepas, aku sempat tahajud ke tidak before prepare sahur. Ramadan tahun ni aim aku:

• Khatam 30 juzuk semasa Ramadan
• Buat Youtube video semasa Ramadan
• Kemas barang-barang tak pakai, gi donate
• Finalize trip Rome
• Finalize design/deco rumah

Ticking the boxes

Hari tu rasa tak productive. Alhamdulillah harini rasa productive sikit sebab berjaya buat beberapa errands:

1. Gosok baju sekolah (Sabtu pagi). Alhamdulillah cuma kena gosok baju KAFA Lutfi saja (2 pasang)
2. Beli baju raya untuk the boys (Sabtu pagi). Sabtu pagi tu husband ada appointment massage and Jasmin ada appointment braces, both dalam pukul 11.00 am. So aku drop depa and park kat EVO (orang dah start shopping raya so Bangi Sentral dah start sesak). Tak kuasa aku nak shopping situ, aku pegi EVO Parkson dengan Kasyif. Aku suggest warna kuning untuk masuk dengan baju raya aku, tapi Kasyif prefer purple. Kat Parkson takda pulak kaler purple yang cun. Kebetulan ada agent BulanBintang bukak kat level 1. Orang tak ramai, aku suh Kasyif cari baju kot2 ada yang berkenan. Alhamdulillah ada walaupun kaler tak exact sangat. Cuma kat situ ada 1 set saja, tak boleh beli untuk Lutfi sekali. Dia kata nanti boleh order online. Aku belum order lagi setakat ni...
3. Bersihkan/ kemas porch (Sabtu petang). Haritu masa musim hujan lantai simen berlumut. Masa musim panas pulak, pokok kering macam nak mati. Pastu dengan bau kencing kucing, kasut bersepah. So aku kemaskan pokok-pokok, cuci simen and sort kasut yg tak nak masuk plastik (tapi belum masuk tong derma lagi).
4. Order hp stand (Sabtu petang). Benda ni patut dah lama beli untuk buat Youtube video. Ni baru nak order kat Shopee. Plan nak buat video bulan puasa ni...
5. Vacum atas (Ahad pagi). Lepas Subuh terus start (hubby takda, pegi Penang). Simpan beg2, tudung2 yang tergantung, sedut habuk, tukar cadar, lap apa yang patut.
6. Cuci toilet bawah (Ahad pagi). Memang kotor betul (ikut benchmark aku la) so rasa puas bila dapat cuci. Aku rasa nak beli rak letak bodywash kat dinding water heater supaya tempat sink aku tak semak sangat.
7. Lipat baju. 2 bakul ok (Ahad petang)...sambil layan Netflix kul 4.30 gitu. Dinner, aku outsource ke Kakak sebab dia nak keluar pegi Eco.

That was how my weekend ended. 

Harini budak2 start sekolah sessi 2023. Harini aku antar Kasyif and Lutfi (sebab abah dioghang belum balik). Lupa nak pesan kat Kasyif belajar elok-elok. kat Lutfi dah pesan dah.

Khamis ni juga start puasa. Aku kena start rancang menu.

Thank you Allah...permudahkan urusan ku. Semoga aku terus istiqamah mengaji dan berikan yang terbaik untuk keluarga ku.

Feeling unproductive

 Why la rasa malas sangat ni. Rasa macam tak productive sebab banyak menda tak buat....tak kemas rumah, tak cuci toilet, tak iron baju, tak basuh karpet, tak sort barang tak pakai, tak plan menu, tak mengaji, tak buat yoga...apa la yang aku buat selama ni? Sebelum ni big boss cuti, kerja pun manageable tapi apsal aku tak amik advantage? Balik pun lambat je. Brisk walk pun tak dapat, posting pun tak rancak...

Next week dah puasa. Isk, anak-anak pun akan masuk sekolah

Kemon, bangkit melawan MALAS!!!!!!

How do I want to write my story?

 I was reading back my previous posts and I wanted to come back to this question: 

How do I want to write my story?

I used to be self limiting, lack of confidence and have no plans to accomplish something. Then COVID 19 pandemic happened and I wondered whether life is nudging me to re-look my life...Am I happy with what I'm doing? Is this the life that I pictured in my mind? Other people seem progressing and I think I have not progressing toward my goals. What is my goal?

My goal was too general...Lead a happy life. So am I currently happy? Yes, to a certain extent. I have a loving husband, loveable kids, a job that provide benefits, able to do and buy what I want (although still thinking I can't afford a LV)....but I still feel I'm missing something.

• I want to re-write and reset my life
• I want to tap into my creative side
• I want to achieve something. I want to be able to earn a little bit from digital and social media (Youtube/IG/TikTok). I can imagine myself sitting at a desk for hours strategizing or producing videos.

There are so many things I need to do and learn to be able to accomplish these. I'm giving myself a challenge to work on myself

Progess as a content creator

Hari ni dah 20 Feb. The unsureness has kicked in. Tapi Alhamdulillah, a few of motivational qoutes remind me to keep going. There are a few things I've discovered that could have stopped me but as I take them as part of the progress, those should not deter me from keep going. Everyone can and everyone face the same thing as I am....

I've made 3 posts and 13 reels within a month...semangat as new starter but I also discovered that IG doesn't pay you. They only pay for reels in US. So memang kena cari product, jual...

Currently, my goal now is to gain traffic to my IG account. I have to be more open and post things that help others. Kena schedule berapa post seminggu, hari apa, content apa....

Aku pun dah register as Shopee Affiliate 14 Feb aritu. Try nak buat affiliate marketing pulak.

Aku juga kena start buat video Youtube.

Re-Inventing Myself

Powerful betul ayat tu RE_INVENT YOURSELF...terus rasa boleh buat Youtube video...Haha! Another mantra RESET YOURSELF

Things happened unintended. Last week sambil prepare breakfast dalam pukul 6 pagi aku dengar Youtube. Dengar, bukan tengok sebab audio connect ke bluetooth speaker. Walaupun TV kat living room, aku kat dapur sambil dengar Youtube, aku tak tengok TV....

Aku pun bukannya fokus sangat tapi tiba-tiba terdengar pasal experience Vanessa Lau ni start buat Youtube channel. Aku terpanggil untuk mendengar. Sebab tu 1st time aku dengar orang cerita camna dia start buat...dia ada bagi tips and somehow aku boleh imagine the work (hard work that is). And yet I was still intrigued.

Aku terus subscribe channel dia and check out her website. Ada cakap pasal quitting 9-5 job...wow! suits me very well...and that was how the idea of becoming a CONTENT CREATOR came about.

As of today after a week, aku still belum buat youtube video lagi. Idea datang mencurah-curah tapi belum sempat sort out and decide. Banyak kena planning kalau nak buat betul-betul, tapi Vanessa kata don't let that stop you from making the video. Buat je dulu, nanti akan progress jadi OK.

Aku pun pikir-pikir, kenapa aku rasa nak jadi CONTENT CREATOR ek? Sedangkan aku tak penah pun upload pape dlm IG or FB. Dok senyap je...

Aku agak aku attracted to the process. Ada planning and kena figure out the system. Aku boleh imagine aku dok lama-lama kat kerusi edit video, captions, analyzing. Sekarang pun aku dok kat kerusi lama-lama tapi buat kerja yang tak benefit aku. Aku boleh imagine buat menda ni bila aku berenti kerja nanti.

Aku tahu bukan senang nak jadi CONTENT CREATOR. Aku tahu mungkin akan mengambil masa yang lama but don't let that hinder you from doing. Sikit-sikit, lama-lama jadi bukit.

Untuk permulaan ni, aku amik je video dlm handphone aku. Surprisingly, aku dah upload 4 Instagram reels dalam masa 6 hari. Alhamdulillah....And I started to make my IG public

Aku masih pikir camna nak buat youtube video. Nak tunjuk muka ke tidak...siapa target audience and niche aku. Kena belajar cara nak amik video, buang malu depan kamera....huish! macam-macam la kena belajar...haha!

But at least, this is tapping into my creativity to create stuff i.e. videos, pictures, captions, audio, scripts...This vision betul-betul aku yang jadi boss. Kalau freelance, still kena buat kerja untuk orang kan....Of course la long term goal is to monetize and earn something....in sha Allah Allah tolong.

Doakan aku...harap tak sangkut ditengah jalan.

My 1st_Instagram reel

 I dunno what has gotten into me, I posted 3 reels during the CNY break! I've never done it before so it was purely trial and error. It's the mantra 'JUST DO IT' i guess...The first one was just a picture. The 2nd one was combined clips, initially edited in IG but later on in CapCut as demonstrated by my youngest. The 3rd one was done in the car when we were heading back home from Manjoi. The view of the Titiwangsa was too scenic not to be captured.

 And also I made my IG public. All because to achieve my end goal that is to gain high views and earn from IG. However, 1st I need to figure out the target audience, persona and niche. Sounds very much like marketing and I'm excited to find out more and work on it....

Performance Review 2022

Performance Review 2022

Semalam ada performance review dengan boss. Alhamdulillah mood boss semalam baik so it was more about casual talk. She told some positive news and I really appreciate it. It was how a boss should motivate her staff, telling her subordinate what she saw was extra. She voted me to higher performance rating and highlighted the extra herself. Bukan suh kita tulis sendiri macam masuk bakul angkat sendiri...

She also wanted to groom me to become her successor. So not to let her waste her time, I told her about my plan of quitting...'I may not be working here until I'm 60 or even 55' I said. She said 'Oooooo...' which I think is an expected response when someone respects other people's decisions.

She also asked my opinion about something and I asked her about what I wanted to know.

So, all in all to me the performance review went well.

Plan to quit

Now that I have given a headstart to my boss, I seriously need to charter the actions plans for the 'Road to Quitting'. Alhamdulillah, I've found Vanessa Lau's channel and website that could provide me the checklists needed about quitting the job and start on doing youtube channel.

Quick notes pagi Isnin

 Alhamdulillah for last week. Today, still dapat bangun pagi and tulis blog. Last week Monday, bangun tahajud, baca Al Quran sikit 2-4 mukasurat, buat yoga 30 min pastu prep breakfast. This week sebab baru dapat period, a few activities tak dapat buat.

I just want to remind myself the little achievements I did last year:

1. approached my secondary netball teacher
2. volunteered to find the venue and attended my secondary school reunion
3. patient and ask relevant question when scolded by my boss
4. drove to Petaling Jaya
5. take leave whenever I want

This year I don't want to feel miserable about work. To minimize that, I don't want to procrastinate. Get them done and over with. There is more important thing for me to focus on...RE-INVENT myself. I only have this year to explore. I need to figure out how to re-invent myself. Try reading from here

My plan is to learn making Youtube video. Learn from my youngest. Make time to learn on Saturday afternoon maybe.

I have to continue watching Vanessa Lau's channel and start something this week.

What lights me up? What is it that makes me happy inside and out?

Wrapping Up Friday

Baru minggu ke 2 but I'm already feeling the heat! Argghhhh....cool, cool...I like it when I felt 'apa aku kisah, just get it done'. Baru la rasa laju buat kerja. Sebab most of the time memang rasa 'why am I still here?'. This is all about work...hate it. To like it, I want to do things I've never done before, for my own personal growth. Things like jawab ikut suka, really know the numbers, help others, take charge, step up.

Believe in Allah SWT, the best planner.

Aritu dok tercari-cari apa yang aku nak try buat this year. Last year dah try basic bertukang (konon!). Tahun ni maybe nak try buat video for Youtube. Target 1 video in 2023. Haha! 1 jek? Susah wooo nak buat content. Came across Vanessa Lau kat Youtube, memang detailed la sharing dia.

Lagi satu, the word re-invent yourself, mind shift. I want to alter my mindset whenever there's a negative feeling about something. And not to take time to think the negative things. Celebrate people...

Idea menu untuk sihat 2023

Husband, Kakak nak start diet. Kiranya 1 family la nak diet. Aku terpikir-pikir nak masak apa menu diet ni yang semua orang boleh terima. Tiba-tiba dapat idea nak buat style bibimbap untuk menu sihat. Sebab apa bibimbap? Sebab aku tengok bibimbap tu banyak sayur. Dia ada nasi and atas tu letak telur mata. So aku dapat idea nak present macam ni tapi pelbagaikan protein. Boleh letak ayam, daging, ikan....

Picture from Google

Ni yang aku dah buat aritu. Sebab 1st time buat, aku buat ikan bilis goreng jugak supaya family aku nak try. Aku ganti 50% beras perang 50% beras putih instead of 100% beras putih.

Tak nampak nasi sbb bawah telur mata

Yang penting yg nak letak keliling nasi tu minimum 5 items termasuk protein. Sayur ada kaler-kaler kalau nak cantik. Sayur ada yang rebus atau goreng atau raw (salad). Basically cara hidang je mcm bibimbap tapi boleh guna masakan yang kita selalu buat, cuma yang berkuah-kuah tu payah la sikit. Kalau hidang mcm bibimbap, walaupun portion dah kurang tapi kita masih rasa macam makan full meal. So hopefully mentally rasa kenyang dah cukup.

Some ideas:

• Ikan/Ayam Bakar, Salmon, mince beef/chicken masak Pakapau, Ikan Bilis Bawang
• Sayur: taugeh, kobis goreng, pak choy rebus+oyster sauce, carrot, timun, capsicum, cendawan
• Jeruk : acar timun, carrot

Welcome 2023

 Alhamdulillah, macam bersemangat pulak aku masuk Y2023 ni....harini dah masuk kerja.

1. Weight Management

Tahun ni aku nak tumpukan kepada kesihatan so kena jaga makan, banyakkan pergerakan. Pagi tadi dah start buat yoga. Aku selalu follow Yoga With Adrienne (30 days yoga series). Tajuk kali ni ialah "CENTER". Azam aku nak abiskan 30 hari tu and rekod kan.

Aku pikir balik apsal aku dah lama tak buat yoga. Last year mmg kelam kabut sikit...transition antara MCO dan bukan MCO. Pastu boss baru masuk pulak, yang kita tak tahu caner resam dia. Bila ingat-ingat, mmg aku tak aktif sejak terjangkit Covid 19 (Feb) tahun lepas....pastu routine dah berubah bila dah kena masuk opis (June).

So tahun ni akau nak start balik buat yoga pagi-pagi. Mengaji tu plannya kat opis. Harap terlaksana.

Jadi everyday buat yoga. Karbo aku cuba nak kurangkan. Bawak bekal tiap-tiap hari. Masak makanan sihat untuk dioghang e.g macam bibimbap (banyak sayur). Husband aku pun dah nak start jaga badan so harap dia boleh terima la...

For food, nak track calories and amik gambo makan apa everyday.

Haritu ada came across kat IG, dia kata camni....instead of saying 'I will lose 15kg', say 'I will weigh 65kg by Dec'...sebab dia kata the brain tak recognize pun berapa weight yg kita nak turun...

2. Self development

Nak cuba side hustle guna IG

3. Haji

Kena start baca pasal ibadah haji. Nak put in surat rayuan.

4. Home improvement

Project porch tak terlaksana tahun lepas. Carry forward tahun ni termasuk living room dan stor bawah tangga